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How to deal with your partner if s/he has separation anxiety?

How to deal with your partner if she has separation anxiety

You will have heard the term “separation anxiety” usually used in conjunction with animals and children, but you may not be aware that adults too can suffer with this condition and at times it can become debilitating.
Certainly adult separation anxiety can devastate relationships, so it is important to take a sympathetic, pragmatic and rational approach.

What is Separation Anxiety?

In children and pets, separation anxiety manifests itself when the sufferer is separated from the primary care giver. In adults, the caregiver is a figure of attachment.

Therefore, adults who suffer with separation anxiety tend to fixate on their spouse or significant other, although it can be their children, their siblings or friends. Estimates in the USA suggest that 6.6% of adults will experience adult separation anxiety at some point in their life, so it is more common than you might imagine. It is more prevalent among women, but does affect men too.
It is less likely to be found among married or cohabiting couples, but can be. It is most likely to be found among those who are separated, widowed or divorced.

The symptoms of separation anxiety in adults

Some of the symptoms that can be found among adults with separation anxiety include:

  • Fear of being alone or separated
  • Fear of harm coming to the person they fixate upon
  • Avoiding being alone
  • Constant worrying and checking
  • Inability/unwillingness to sleep
  • A feeling of being overwhelmed

Tips for dealing with your partner who has separation anxiety

Treat other cases of anxiety, stress or depression first

People with a tendency to adult separation anxiety may well find they suffer in other areas too. IT may be that your partner has a generalised anxiety disorder, and recognising those symptoms and dealing with those can be highly beneficial.

Help them get busy

If you are going to be away, plan with your partner, what they will be doing. This might mean ensuring they are having social contact elsewhere, or it could involve leaving them a book or hobby activities that they can be getting on with. Encourage them to use their time to do things that they might not get to do when you are there, necessarily.

Encourage them to see the time you are away as ‘special me time’

What sort of things can your partner do when you’re not there? Consider spa days, or pamper treatments, or to invite their friends around. Encourage them to do things that help to lessen their anxiety so that they feel calm.

Manage expectations

Be very clear that while you’re away you will only be able to text or call at certain times. Tell your partner, “I’ll be in meetings all day” if this is the case. Manage their expectations about how busy you will be and how you must be professional if you’re away for business.

Give reassurance

Your partner wants to know that they are loved and special in your life. They may well drive you mad by asking for this sort of assurance, but the more patient you can be, the easier all round.

Leave little love notes

Before you go away, hide some little love notes or post-its around the house where your partner will find them. While you’re away, send thoughtful short texts or messages. Send a final message before you go to sleep.

Ask them to keep a journal

Ask them to keep a journal of what they have been up to and what thoughts they had and then share that with them when you get back. Make your partner understand that their day to day life is important to you.

Encourage them to be positive!

Focus on what you will do when you get back from your trip. Plan some treats – movie night in, or date night out!

Support Groups

If your partner has a severe case of separation anxiety, you could consider getting in touch with a local support group if you can find one. Your partner may also be able to access an online forum too, and this might help them while you’re away.

Ask for professional help

If you need further support, there is no harm seeking advice from a professional.

Created by Tom Vermeersch ()

Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.

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How to deal with your partner if s/he has separation anxiety?

How to deal with your partner if s/he has separation anxiety?
How to deal with your partner if she has separation anxiety

You will have heard the term “separation anxiety” usually used in conjunction with animals and children, but you may not be aware that adults too can suffer with this condition and at times it can become debilitating.
Certainly adult separation anxiety can devastate relationships, so it is important to take a sympathetic, pragmatic and rational approach.

What is Separation Anxiety?

In children and pets, separation anxiety manifests itself when the sufferer is separated from the primary care giver. In adults, the caregiver is a figure of attachment.

Therefore, adults who suffer with separation anxiety tend to fixate on their spouse or significant other, although it can be their children, their siblings or friends. Estimates in the USA suggest that 6.6% of adults will experience adult separation anxiety at some point in their life, so it is more common than you might imagine. It is more prevalent among women, but does affect men too.
It is less likely to be found among married or cohabiting couples, but can be. It is most likely to be found among those who are separated, widowed or divorced.

The symptoms of separation anxiety in adults

Some of the symptoms that can be found among adults with separation anxiety include:

  • Fear of being alone or separated
  • Fear of harm coming to the person they fixate upon
  • Avoiding being alone
  • Constant worrying and checking
  • Inability/unwillingness to sleep
  • A feeling of being overwhelmed

Tips for dealing with your partner who has separation anxiety

Treat other cases of anxiety, stress or depression first

People with a tendency to adult separation anxiety may well find they suffer in other areas too. IT may be that your partner has a generalised anxiety disorder, and recognising those symptoms and dealing with those can be highly beneficial.

Help them get busy

If you are going to be away, plan with your partner, what they will be doing. This might mean ensuring they are having social contact elsewhere, or it could involve leaving them a book or hobby activities that they can be getting on with. Encourage them to use their time to do things that they might not get to do when you are there, necessarily.

Encourage them to see the time you are away as ‘special me time’

What sort of things can your partner do when you’re not there? Consider spa days, or pamper treatments, or to invite their friends around. Encourage them to do things that help to lessen their anxiety so that they feel calm.

Manage expectations

Be very clear that while you’re away you will only be able to text or call at certain times. Tell your partner, “I’ll be in meetings all day” if this is the case. Manage their expectations about how busy you will be and how you must be professional if you’re away for business.

Give reassurance

Your partner wants to know that they are loved and special in your life. They may well drive you mad by asking for this sort of assurance, but the more patient you can be, the easier all round.

Leave little love notes

Before you go away, hide some little love notes or post-its around the house where your partner will find them. While you’re away, send thoughtful short texts or messages. Send a final message before you go to sleep.

Ask them to keep a journal

Ask them to keep a journal of what they have been up to and what thoughts they had and then share that with them when you get back. Make your partner understand that their day to day life is important to you.

Encourage them to be positive!

Focus on what you will do when you get back from your trip. Plan some treats – movie night in, or date night out!

Support Groups

If your partner has a severe case of separation anxiety, you could consider getting in touch with a local support group if you can find one. Your partner may also be able to access an online forum too, and this might help them while you’re away.

Ask for professional help

If you need further support, there is no harm seeking advice from a professional.




Bach flowers mix 78: Separation anxiety

 Bach flowers mix 78 helps individuals to:

  • Be less dependent 
  • Conquer fears of being abandoned 
  • Panic less quickly 
  • Enjoy being alone again
Discover how Bach flowers mix 78 can help you
Marie Pure

Other articles


How to know when to say no

How to know when to say no

It's often difficult to say no, but some people never do! So how do you know when to say no and when to say yes?

Read the complete article

How to be less judgemental of others (and yourself!)

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Do you feel you’re always criticising and judging everyone, yourself included? Do you feel bad about it afterwards? You’re certainly not alone! Read on to discover how you can judge less and start to accept things the way they are.

Read the complete article

Why a life without stress and obstacles is unrewarding

Why a life without stress and obstacles is unrewarding

Stress can be both good and bad; it’s up to you how you look at it. But too much stress can be dangerous. Read more about stress in this article!

Read the complete article

Do you expect too much from others Find out!

Do you expect too much from others? Find out!

Most people are disappointed when others don't meet their expectations. But when you always expect too much, it isn't healthy, either for yourself or for others. If you often find yourself feeling let down by your loved ones or even by strangers, could it be that you have unrealistic ideas of how people should act?

Read the complete article

What makes it so hard to go back to school

What makes it so hard to go back to school?

Going back to school during a pandemic is a new experience for everyone, and it's understandable if children are feeling anxious about it. We take a look at some of the issues and how you can help your child to get ready for returning to the classroom.

Read the complete article

7 Reasons Why Your Child is Underperforming

7 Reasons Why Your Child is Underperforming

As parents, we often worry about a poor school report as much, if not more, as our kids do! And if your child's grades are slipping, you'll be looking for reasons and if there's anything you can do to help.

Read the complete article

Is your sex life putting your relationship at risk

Is your sex life putting your relationship at risk?

Sexual desire is a complex interaction of hormones, emotions and well-being. When your partner is not as interested in sex as you are, it’s rarely a rejection of you as a person. So it’s essential to be as empathetic as you can regarding your differing libidos.

Read the complete article

Are you resilient enough Take our quiz!

Are you resilient enough? Take our quiz!

Do you have enough resilience to face the world out there? Take our quiz to find out how resilient you are and find tips on how to build your mental resilience.

Read the complete article

Simple tips to not be afraid of the future

Simple tips to not be afraid of the future

No one knows what the future holds, so don't waste time and energy worrying about it. Read our tips and find out how to stop being afraid of what might never happen.

Read the complete article

5 Signs of narcissistic perversion

5 Signs of narcissistic perversion

Narcissism is a term we often see these days. But what does it mean? It's used to describe a person who is full of themselves or overly vain. However, it's not really about self-love.

Read the complete article

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