Are you codependant? Take the quiz!

Do you ever wonder if your care and kindness towards other people are just you being helpful to the people you love, or whether your relationship might actually be codependent? Take our quiz to find out!

What is codependency?

The best way to think of codependency is as a supportive relationship that's become so intense that it's unhealthy. The term codependent is often used in counselling for substance abuse, but it's also applied when describing other relationships.

There's a fine line between the natural human instinct to care for others and a relationship that has become codependent. A codependent relationship is not truly fulfilling for either partner. Because it leaves you with no time or space for yourself, codependency will eventually damage your self-esteem and leave you emotionally exhausted.

Take our codependency quiz

Answer Yes or No to the following questions to see whether you're codependent.

• Do you tend to let others get close to you quickly and then often feel used and hurt by them?
• Do you usually say yes to every request, even when you don't really want to do something?
• Do you feel insecure and doubt yourself, even when you are an expert in the area?
• Do you invest too much energy and time in the needs of others while ignoring your own needs?
• Do you find it difficult to recognise your thoughts and feelings?
• When there's a conflict in your relationship, are your emotional reactions very intense?
• Do you sometimes find that you distance yourself from others as a protective response?
• Do you get a sense of personal value from how others view you?
• Do you brood and overanalyse mistakes you might have made in previous relationships?
• Do you find it hard to define your own needs?
• Have you sometimes been described as being "needy" in your relationships?
• Do you sometimes feel that your relationship isn't balanced and that you're always the one who has to compromise or make sacrifices?
• Do you always try to fix other people?
• Do you think everything in your life would be fine if only a particular person could change?
• Do you feel such a compelling need for love and affirmation that it can cause relationship problems?
• Do you try to get your needs met with passive-aggressive tactics?
• Can you take constructive feedback, or are you overwhelmed with guilt or shame when someone criticises something you've done?
• Do you find it difficult to trust other people?
• Do you experience outbursts of irritability or intense anger?
• Do you have an ambivalent attitude to intimacy, pushing people away even while wanting to be closer?
• Do you feel compelled to make sure that everyone else is happy, even if you might be feeling dejected?

How many questions did you answer with "Yes?" A score of five or more may indicate that you are tending towards codependency. But once you've identified that there may be a problem, you can take the first steps towards a happier life.

Learn to value yourself

Codependency is often linked to low self-esteem. If your self-belief is linked to the extent to which you care for others, it can be challenging to learn to value yourself in a way that doesn't depend on your personal relationships.

But valuing yourself more will boost your happiness, self-esteem and confidence. You will then find it easier to set boundaries and express your needs, two keys to escaping codependency.

Increasing your sense of self-worth will take time. These tips will help get you started:

• It can be challenging to make the decision to leave a codependent relationship. As a first step, limit the time you spend with people who make you feel bad about yourself. Some people drain you of energy. Try surrounding yourself with people who can support you and appreciate and value you for who you are.
• Make time to do the stuff you enjoy. You might have spent so much time caring for others that you've not been able to follow your interests or hobbies. Make some space every day to do the stuff that interests you and makes you happy, even if it's just going for a walk, reading a book or watching a movie.
• Look after your physical health. Everyone has basic needs that must be met before they can fulfil their potential. When you get the essentials right by eating healthily, exercising and getting adequate sleep, your emotional health will improve as well.
• Stop listening to your negative inner critic. Reframe and challenge negative thoughts in a way that affirms your self-worth. Instead of saying" I'm a failure", tell yourself that you're doing the best you can. Bach Flower Mix 78 for separation anxiety can help overcome codependency. It contains Bach flower essences that help conquer fears of being abandoned, avoid panic attacks and boost self-belief. When you've learned to value yourself again, you can start moving forward, making decisions, and living a happy, fulfilling life.

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/conquering-codependency/202010/how-conquer-codependency

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-stop-being-codependent#value-yourself

Other articles

Do you 'Musturbate' too much?

Do you suffer from a disorder known as "musturbation"? This term was first coined in the 1950s by psychotherapist Albert Ellis and described the way a negative inner voice rules our minds and bludgeons us with words such as "must", "should", and "ought".

How to prove your value

Feel like everyone takes you for granted? Whether it's working late to prepare a presentation or cooking a special birthday meal for your partner, it's nice to be appreciated when you've made an extra effort. And if it seems as if people don't notice, you might feel as if no one values you.

Is your sex life putting your relationship at risk?

Sexual desire is a complex interaction of hormones, emotions and well-being. When your partner is not as interested in sex as you are, it’s rarely a rejection of you as a person. So it’s essential to be as empathetic as you can regarding your differing libidos.

I don't want to!

Motivation can be somewhat elusive - some days, you just can't seem to make yourself do the stuff you don't want to. But putting things off just leads to stress, frustration and a sense of guilt.

Hiding a depression: find out if someone you know - or you yourself! - is doing this

It's not always easy to tell if someone has depression. While some signs such as sadness, pessimism and withdrawal from social interaction are easy to recognise, other symptoms may be less obvious. And some people are very good at hiding their depression - even from themselves!

10 Tips to get the best out of every day

When we’re stuck in a bit of a rut, the days and nights slip past so quickly that we barely notice them. But life is not a rehearsal!

How can I help my child achieve their dreams?

Children's imaginations know no limits and their dreams are a mix of hopes and fantasies, the real and the magical, the impossible and the achievable.

Stop procrastinating right now and do something!

Read some tips to get the challenge you're thinking about out of the way. Now is the time to do something, you can start right now. Read on to know more!

Why a life without stress and obstacles is unrewarding

Stress can be both good and bad; it’s up to you how you look at it. But too much stress can be dangerous. Read more about stress in this article!

Mistakes as a Parent

Can we learn from our mistakes and develop a stronger, healthier emotional bondwith our kids? To help you identify your weak spots, we’ve rounded up some of the most common mistakes parents make.