Are you codependant? Take the quiz!

Do you ever wonder if your care and kindness towards other people are just you being helpful to the people you love, or whether your relationship might actually be codependent? Take our quiz to find out!

What is codependency?

The best way to think of codependency is as a supportive relationship that's become so intense that it's unhealthy. The term codependent is often used in counselling for substance abuse, but it's also applied when describing other relationships.

There's a fine line between the natural human instinct to care for others and a relationship that has become codependent. A codependent relationship is not truly fulfilling for either partner. Because it leaves you with no time or space for yourself, codependency will eventually damage your self-esteem and leave you emotionally exhausted.

Take our codependency quiz

Answer Yes or No to the following questions to see whether you're codependent.

• Do you tend to let others get close to you quickly and then often feel used and hurt by them?
• Do you usually say yes to every request, even when you don't really want to do something?
• Do you feel insecure and doubt yourself, even when you are an expert in the area?
• Do you invest too much energy and time in the needs of others while ignoring your own needs?
• Do you find it difficult to recognise your thoughts and feelings?
• When there's a conflict in your relationship, are your emotional reactions very intense?
• Do you sometimes find that you distance yourself from others as a protective response?
• Do you get a sense of personal value from how others view you?
• Do you brood and overanalyse mistakes you might have made in previous relationships?
• Do you find it hard to define your own needs?
• Have you sometimes been described as being "needy" in your relationships?
• Do you sometimes feel that your relationship isn't balanced and that you're always the one who has to compromise or make sacrifices?
• Do you always try to fix other people?
• Do you think everything in your life would be fine if only a particular person could change?
• Do you feel such a compelling need for love and affirmation that it can cause relationship problems?
• Do you try to get your needs met with passive-aggressive tactics?
• Can you take constructive feedback, or are you overwhelmed with guilt or shame when someone criticises something you've done?
• Do you find it difficult to trust other people?
• Do you experience outbursts of irritability or intense anger?
• Do you have an ambivalent attitude to intimacy, pushing people away even while wanting to be closer?
• Do you feel compelled to make sure that everyone else is happy, even if you might be feeling dejected?

How many questions did you answer with "Yes?" A score of five or more may indicate that you are tending towards codependency. But once you've identified that there may be a problem, you can take the first steps towards a happier life.

Learn to value yourself

Codependency is often linked to low self-esteem. If your self-belief is linked to the extent to which you care for others, it can be challenging to learn to value yourself in a way that doesn't depend on your personal relationships.

But valuing yourself more will boost your happiness, self-esteem and confidence. You will then find it easier to set boundaries and express your needs, two keys to escaping codependency.

Increasing your sense of self-worth will take time. These tips will help get you started:

• It can be challenging to make the decision to leave a codependent relationship. As a first step, limit the time you spend with people who make you feel bad about yourself. Some people drain you of energy. Try surrounding yourself with people who can support you and appreciate and value you for who you are.
• Make time to do the stuff you enjoy. You might have spent so much time caring for others that you've not been able to follow your interests or hobbies. Make some space every day to do the stuff that interests you and makes you happy, even if it's just going for a walk, reading a book or watching a movie.
• Look after your physical health. Everyone has basic needs that must be met before they can fulfil their potential. When you get the essentials right by eating healthily, exercising and getting adequate sleep, your emotional health will improve as well.
• Stop listening to your negative inner critic. Reframe and challenge negative thoughts in a way that affirms your self-worth. Instead of saying" I'm a failure", tell yourself that you're doing the best you can. Bach Flower Mix 78 for separation anxiety can help overcome codependency. It contains Bach flower essences that help conquer fears of being abandoned, avoid panic attacks and boost self-belief. When you've learned to value yourself again, you can start moving forward, making decisions, and living a happy, fulfilling life.

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/conquering-codependency/202010/how-conquer-codependency

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-stop-being-codependent#value-yourself

Other articles

Do you 'Musturbate' too much?

Do you suffer from a disorder known as "musturbation"? This term was first coined in the 1950s by psychotherapist Albert Ellis and described the way a negative inner voice rules our minds and bludgeons us with words such as "must", "should", and "ought".

How to break your bad habits

Bad habits waste your energy and time. They disrupt your life, risk your health and stop you from achieving your aims. So why do we do them? And what can we do to break our bad habits?

How to spice up your life

Do you feel you're always doing the same things and not getting anywhere? It's common to feel stuck in a rut, treading water and just going through the motions.

Letting go of the past: 5 tips

Lynn Anderson told it very nicely in her song “I beg your pardon; I never promised you a rose garden”. Life isn’t all roses and everybody experiences something they would rather not once in their life.

Subtle signs your child is unhappy

According to figures from the World Health Organisation, more than 260 million people worldwide suffer from depression. And it's not only adults who are diagnosed with this illness. Children as young as three or four years old can experience depression.

Can you accept things you can't change? Take our quiz!

Your relationship ends, or you lose your job, and you get stuck in a rut of negative thoughts and suffering. How good are you at letting go of grudges and accepting that some things are beyond your control? Take our quiz to find out!

Even the brightest minds have setbacks!

We all want to be successful but many of us find the path to achieving our dreams is blocked by our fear of failure. Whether you’re trying to lose weight, go backpacking around the world or start up a new business, you need to accept that you might fail many times over before you achieve success.

Top 5 nonsensical reasons to have doubts about yourself

It happens to everyone at times: we start doubting ourselves. We worry about the decisions and whether we can face future challenges that life has in store. And sometimes we feel that we just aren't good enough.

How to prove your value

Feel like everyone takes you for granted? Whether it's working late to prepare a presentation or cooking a special birthday meal for your partner, it's nice to be appreciated when you've made an extra effort. And if it seems as if people don't notice, you might feel as if no one values you.

How to spot toxic behaviour

You see the word "toxic" everywhere these days, but what does it really mean? You've almost certainly come across someone who fits the description. Dealing with difficult personalities can be challenging and emotionally exhausting, to say the least.