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32 tips to be more assertive

32 tips to be more assertive

Do you consider yourself to be assertive or would you like to improve your assertiveness skills? Don’t be fooled into thinking that loud and brash is assertive, because it isn’t.

Assertiveness means bringing a balance between vocalising your own needs through good communication, while taking into account the needs of others.

It is not easy to be assertive, particularly if you are naturally introverted, however you can learn some useful skills. Here are our 32 tips to be more assertive.

  1. Recognise who you are and examine the good and bad aspects of your personality. When you know your own value, it is easier to use this as a basis for self-confidence. Assertiveness will build on the self-confidence.

  2. Understand that in order to fulfil your full potential, your needs must be met. You must see to this yourself.

  3. Protect your own rights.

  4. Recognise the value in other people. Understand what their skills are and what they bring to the table. This makes it easier for you to see when to allow someone else to ‘win’, or will help you find the common ground between you that you can both work with.

  5. Respect the rights of others.

  6. Don’t just focus on problems – try and find the solutions.

  7. Do the things you can do. Ask for help with the things you can’t. Watch and learn. Thank people for their assistance. Try it yourself next time. Ask for feedback.

  8. Empathise with others, but be fair on yourself.

  9. Understand that you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Just as you treat others the same way.

  10. Stop apologizing. Instead of saying, “I’m sorry”, try saying, “Thank you for your patience.” Show your value, in a dignified way.

  11. Don't leave it to someone else to figure out what you need.

  12. Don’t accept responsibility for the poor behaviour of others. Don’t beat yourself up about what people say or do to you.

  13. If people react badly when you practice being assertive – by behaving resentfully or becoming angry – remember that this is down to them. They control their reactions. You should only respond with dignity, do not return their negativity. You control yourself, not others.

  14. You can be negative, or disagree, just try and do so in a healthy and positive way. “I didn’t enjoy that, but it was a useful experience.”

  15. You can be angry, but always be respectful.

  16. Speak your mind, but protect other people’s feelings.

  17. Control your emotions. This can be easier said and done if you are stressed, sad, angry or frustrated.

  18. Accept compliments graciously. Accept criticism with the same positivity.

  19. Understand that it is perfectly OK for you, or someone else, to make a mistake.

  20. Learn to say "No" when you need to.

  21. Know your limits. Set your boundaries.

  22. Suggest alternatives.

  23. If you find yourself in a hostile situation, back away from it, or take time out.

  24. If you disagree with someone, try saying something like, “I understand your opinion but I do not agree.”

  25. Remember, there is a difference between making a point and making someone agree with you.

  26. If assertiveness is a real issue for you, start small. Work up to tougher situations.

  27. Don’t feel guilty. Being assertive can be tough — especially if you’ve been passive most of your life.

  28. Practice deep breathing to control the fear, worries and anxiety you have about expressing a different opinion or asking for what you want.

  29. Be specific about any complaint you have and cite concrete examples. Try to eliminate emotion and ‘feelings’.

  30. Ask for more time if you need it.

  31. Eliminate unassertive words if you catch yourself using them, such as “I’ll try” or “I’m just” etc.

  32. Keep practicing. It takes time to undo your lack of assertiveness.

Remember, when you are assertive, you ask for what you want but you don't necessarily expect to get it. You are therefore open to negotiation. Taking what you want, demanding what you want, without regard for others, is aggressive behaviour. Sorting an amicable solution, is a graceful response.

Good luck!

Created by Tom Vermeersch ()

Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.

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32 tips to be more assertive

32 tips to be more assertive
32 tips to be more assertive

Do you consider yourself to be assertive or would you like to improve your assertiveness skills? Don’t be fooled into thinking that loud and brash is assertive, because it isn’t.

Assertiveness means bringing a balance between vocalising your own needs through good communication, while taking into account the needs of others.

It is not easy to be assertive, particularly if you are naturally introverted, however you can learn some useful skills. Here are our 32 tips to be more assertive.

  1. Recognise who you are and examine the good and bad aspects of your personality. When you know your own value, it is easier to use this as a basis for self-confidence. Assertiveness will build on the self-confidence.

  2. Understand that in order to fulfil your full potential, your needs must be met. You must see to this yourself.

  3. Protect your own rights.

  4. Recognise the value in other people. Understand what their skills are and what they bring to the table. This makes it easier for you to see when to allow someone else to ‘win’, or will help you find the common ground between you that you can both work with.

  5. Respect the rights of others.

  6. Don’t just focus on problems – try and find the solutions.

  7. Do the things you can do. Ask for help with the things you can’t. Watch and learn. Thank people for their assistance. Try it yourself next time. Ask for feedback.

  8. Empathise with others, but be fair on yourself.

  9. Understand that you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Just as you treat others the same way.

  10. Stop apologizing. Instead of saying, “I’m sorry”, try saying, “Thank you for your patience.” Show your value, in a dignified way.

  11. Don't leave it to someone else to figure out what you need.

  12. Don’t accept responsibility for the poor behaviour of others. Don’t beat yourself up about what people say or do to you.

  13. If people react badly when you practice being assertive – by behaving resentfully or becoming angry – remember that this is down to them. They control their reactions. You should only respond with dignity, do not return their negativity. You control yourself, not others.

  14. You can be negative, or disagree, just try and do so in a healthy and positive way. “I didn’t enjoy that, but it was a useful experience.”

  15. You can be angry, but always be respectful.

  16. Speak your mind, but protect other people’s feelings.

  17. Control your emotions. This can be easier said and done if you are stressed, sad, angry or frustrated.

  18. Accept compliments graciously. Accept criticism with the same positivity.

  19. Understand that it is perfectly OK for you, or someone else, to make a mistake.

  20. Learn to say "No" when you need to.

  21. Know your limits. Set your boundaries.

  22. Suggest alternatives.

  23. If you find yourself in a hostile situation, back away from it, or take time out.

  24. If you disagree with someone, try saying something like, “I understand your opinion but I do not agree.”

  25. Remember, there is a difference between making a point and making someone agree with you.

  26. If assertiveness is a real issue for you, start small. Work up to tougher situations.

  27. Don’t feel guilty. Being assertive can be tough — especially if you’ve been passive most of your life.

  28. Practice deep breathing to control the fear, worries and anxiety you have about expressing a different opinion or asking for what you want.

  29. Be specific about any complaint you have and cite concrete examples. Try to eliminate emotion and ‘feelings’.

  30. Ask for more time if you need it.

  31. Eliminate unassertive words if you catch yourself using them, such as “I’ll try” or “I’m just” etc.

  32. Keep practicing. It takes time to undo your lack of assertiveness.

Remember, when you are assertive, you ask for what you want but you don't necessarily expect to get it. You are therefore open to negotiation. Taking what you want, demanding what you want, without regard for others, is aggressive behaviour. Sorting an amicable solution, is a graceful response.

Good luck!




Bach flowers mix 44: Performance anxiety

Bach flowers mix 44 helps to:

  • Have more self-confidence
  • Remove performance anxiety
  • Prevent panicking
  • Believe in yourself more
  • Be more calm and peaceful
Discover how Bach flowers mix 44 can help you
Marie Pure

Other articles


Mistakes as a Parent

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Can we learn from our mistakes and develop a stronger, healthier emotional bondwith our kids? To help you identify your weak spots, we’ve rounded up some of the most common mistakes parents make.

Read the complete article

Simple tips to not be afraid of the future

Simple tips to not be afraid of the future

No one knows what the future holds, so don't waste time and energy worrying about it. Read our tips and find out how to stop being afraid of what might never happen.

Read the complete article

Are things moving too fast for you

Are things moving too fast for you?

If you're worried that the world is changing too fast, you're not alone: technology is constantly developing, and it can be challenging to keep up with all the changes. As a result, many people - not just the older generations - feel anxious that they might get left behind.

Read the complete article

Signs of depression under the radar

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It is not always obvious when someone is experiencing depression. Some people with depression mask their symptoms, hiding their feelings behind a smile to convince others they are happy.

Read the complete article

How to stop everything going wrong

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Do you always feel that everything’s always going wrong? Find out how to stop this cycle of bad thoughts in its tracks. When you think positively, things will start to appear positive and you will eventually feel more positive and optimistic.

Read the complete article

fear

7 tips to help your dog with a fear of fireworks

As nice as it is for a person to celebrate New Year, it's not so nice for a dog, especially when the loud fireworks go off the whole night. This is really frightening for many dogs. Read our 7 tips on how you can help your dog with his fear of fireworks.

Read the complete article

What makes it so hard to go back to work

What makes it so hard to go back to work?

Millions of people furloughed for months are now being recalled to work. Others, who have been working from home throughout the lockdown, are returning to the office. And some jobs have simply disappeared: many people are facing redundancy and will soon have to cope with job hunting. Going back to work after an unprecedented length of time at home is quite a challenge.

Read the complete article

Letting go A guide for survivors

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Read the complete article

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Read the complete article

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