First of all, we should remember that nobody is perfect. This sounds hackneyed, but most of us tend to forget this in our everyday life. We have to center our attention to the good traits we have, and not the bad ones. We need to accept, that we make mistakes, and we should be grateful for everything new we learn by making these mistakes. It is important to free ourselves from regretting who we are; we should accept our personality and focus ourselves on our strengths. If you don’t want that other people see only your negative aspects, you should not do this either.
In a western movie, it is mostly obvious which is which, meaning who’s good and who’s bad. In real life, this distinction is not always easy to make. Good behavior in one situation can be completely inappropriate in other situations. Of course, a bad habit stays a bad habit, but it can be very useful under different circumstances. Are you easily scared? It might save your life in a dangerous situation. You’re very talkative? This can help you, for example, if you’d like to work as a TV-Anchor or a tourist guide. You worry too much? Maybe your big heart is very important for the people close to you. By only focusing on a negative aspect, we might ignore the positive that comes with it.
So when it comes down to you, who do you want to be? Let’s be realistic: We cannot change ourselves just like that. But we can work on improving some of our traits, meaning that maybe one day we will be less jealous, less short-tempered or less phlegmatic - whatever it is, what we are dealing with. What we should avoid strictly, is to copy other people or idols. Don’t make the mistake and try to change the person you are. You can work on certain aspects, but don’t try to change yourself 100%. Because if you want to be somebody else, then your problem is much deeper rooted than described here. To change our bad traits only makes sense if we don’t replace them by other bad traits, and we should not lose or forget our good traits either, as described above.
If some of our bad habits are really problematic for other people, what can we do about them? Several techniques can help us to contain the negative aspects of bad traits and to limit the problems which they produce in our lives:
You did something wrong or you’ve said something wrong? Say sorry! This is so much easier than you think, and it helps other people to see that you were aware of your wrongdoing. Of course you can’t always do that, and you should not repeat the mistakes you made, but a good and honest apology can help a lot.
Are there situations in which you always lose control? Try to avoid them! This is not always possible, but sometimes things we know cannot handle correctly are dispensable. This is especially true for certain people. If there is somebody you really do not like, try to avoid this person. Try to talk only the minimum, don’t share too much private information, and if you have a professional relationship, then focus on the things you really need to talk about - and nothing more.
Try to calm down. Most of our emotions are harder to control when we are upset or feel offended. Try to count down from 10 to 1, try to breathe slowly or focus on your breathing - by using relaxation techniques we are able to remove the tension from our body and react more appropriately.
Sometimes a situation seems to be unbearable. Everything we say, everything we do seems to worsen the situation more and more. So it can be a good idea to just leave the stage and go somewhere else. At least you can allow your thoughts to wander off. Think about something else, focus on the beautiful things. This can help you to not let your bad habits break out.
Everyone can work on his bad habits; everyone can try to be a better person. It is important to focus only on a very few things. You will never change as a person, but you can be a better you. Make a list of two or three things you would like to change. Maybe talk to a close friend or your partner - are these things on your list really the worst traits you have? Once you have chosen the most important issues to work on, keep your list in mind and start your transition. It won’t be easy, and it will take a while. But if you really like to change 1 or 2 aspects of your character, it is much more realistic to achieve than changing your whole personality completely.
Talk therapy with a psychologist can help us to know more about our own personality and to find ways to deal with bad traits. Ask your GP for a psychologist in your neighborhood if you have the feeling that you cannot handle this on your own.
Bach flowers work on a emotional base and can help us to balance negative thoughts and feelings. Every Bach flower works on a different emotion and by selecting the right flowers for your emotional problems, Bach flowers can change them into their positive counterpart. Do not hesitate to contact us, if you like to know more about Bach flowers and how they can help you to balance the negative aspects of your character.
Created by Tom Vermeersch (bio)
Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.
Feeling blue? You're not alone! We all feel sad at times; it's a normal human emotion. Sometimes, it's clear to see what has triggered our depression. Common reasons for feeling sad include bereavement, the end of a relationship, losing your job or money problems. But it's not always so clearcut.
12 easy ways to get people to like you
Have you ever noticed that some people are instantly likeable? Many people believe that people will only like you because of natural traits you're born with: good looks, talent and sociability. But this is a misconception. Getting people to like you is within your control, and it's all to do with self-belief, knowing yourself and being emotionally intelligent. Here's what to do to be more likeable.
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People always think: that’s just me. I'm not good at 'X', that is just my character. Here are some reasons why it's never too late to change.
Feel like everyone takes you for granted? Whether it's working late to prepare a presentation or cooking a special birthday meal for your partner, it's nice to be appreciated when you've made an extra effort. And if it seems as if people don't notice, you might feel as if no one values you.
From colouring your hair to whitening your teeth, there's a wide array of cosmetic options to make you look more youthful. But there's also a range of solutions that have been shown to slow or even reverse the ageing process.
Looking for happiness? Just stop!
Many people focus on finding happiness. But just as those who try too hard to be cool are never cool, if you're always striving to be happy, you will never achieve happiness. What's the problem? Perhaps you're just trying too hard!
First of all, we should remember that nobody is perfect. This sounds hackneyed, but most of us tend to forget this in our everyday life. We have to center our attention to the good traits we have, and not the bad ones. We need to accept, that we make mistakes, and we should be grateful for everything new we learn by making these mistakes. It is important to free ourselves from regretting who we are; we should accept our personality and focus ourselves on our strengths. If you don’t want that other people see only your negative aspects, you should not do this either.
In a western movie, it is mostly obvious which is which, meaning who’s good and who’s bad. In real life, this distinction is not always easy to make. Good behavior in one situation can be completely inappropriate in other situations. Of course, a bad habit stays a bad habit, but it can be very useful under different circumstances. Are you easily scared? It might save your life in a dangerous situation. You’re very talkative? This can help you, for example, if you’d like to work as a TV-Anchor or a tourist guide. You worry too much? Maybe your big heart is very important for the people close to you. By only focusing on a negative aspect, we might ignore the positive that comes with it.
So when it comes down to you, who do you want to be? Let’s be realistic: We cannot change ourselves just like that. But we can work on improving some of our traits, meaning that maybe one day we will be less jealous, less short-tempered or less phlegmatic - whatever it is, what we are dealing with. What we should avoid strictly, is to copy other people or idols. Don’t make the mistake and try to change the person you are. You can work on certain aspects, but don’t try to change yourself 100%. Because if you want to be somebody else, then your problem is much deeper rooted than described here. To change our bad traits only makes sense if we don’t replace them by other bad traits, and we should not lose or forget our good traits either, as described above.
If some of our bad habits are really problematic for other people, what can we do about them? Several techniques can help us to contain the negative aspects of bad traits and to limit the problems which they produce in our lives:
You did something wrong or you’ve said something wrong? Say sorry! This is so much easier than you think, and it helps other people to see that you were aware of your wrongdoing. Of course you can’t always do that, and you should not repeat the mistakes you made, but a good and honest apology can help a lot.
Are there situations in which you always lose control? Try to avoid them! This is not always possible, but sometimes things we know cannot handle correctly are dispensable. This is especially true for certain people. If there is somebody you really do not like, try to avoid this person. Try to talk only the minimum, don’t share too much private information, and if you have a professional relationship, then focus on the things you really need to talk about - and nothing more.
Try to calm down. Most of our emotions are harder to control when we are upset or feel offended. Try to count down from 10 to 1, try to breathe slowly or focus on your breathing - by using relaxation techniques we are able to remove the tension from our body and react more appropriately.
Sometimes a situation seems to be unbearable. Everything we say, everything we do seems to worsen the situation more and more. So it can be a good idea to just leave the stage and go somewhere else. At least you can allow your thoughts to wander off. Think about something else, focus on the beautiful things. This can help you to not let your bad habits break out.
Everyone can work on his bad habits; everyone can try to be a better person. It is important to focus only on a very few things. You will never change as a person, but you can be a better you. Make a list of two or three things you would like to change. Maybe talk to a close friend or your partner - are these things on your list really the worst traits you have? Once you have chosen the most important issues to work on, keep your list in mind and start your transition. It won’t be easy, and it will take a while. But if you really like to change 1 or 2 aspects of your character, it is much more realistic to achieve than changing your whole personality completely.
Talk therapy with a psychologist can help us to know more about our own personality and to find ways to deal with bad traits. Ask your GP for a psychologist in your neighborhood if you have the feeling that you cannot handle this on your own.
Bach flowers work on a emotional base and can help us to balance negative thoughts and feelings. Every Bach flower works on a different emotion and by selecting the right flowers for your emotional problems, Bach flowers can change them into their positive counterpart. Do not hesitate to contact us, if you like to know more about Bach flowers and how they can help you to balance the negative aspects of your character.
Feeling blue? You're not alone! We all feel sad at times; it's a normal human emotion. Sometimes, it's clear to see what has triggered our depression. Common reasons for feeling sad include bereavement, the end of a relationship, losing your job or money problems. But it's not always so clearcut.
Have you ever noticed that some people are instantly likeable? Many people believe that people will only like you because of natural traits you're born with: good looks, talent and sociability. But this is a misconception. Getting people to like you is within your control, and it's all to do with self-belief, knowing yourself and being emotionally intelligent. Here's what to do to be more likeable.
Do you have a nagging suspicion that you could only be happier if X was true, or you could do Y? What should you change about your life in order to be happier?
Is it a serious problem if you feel unhappy? In order to have light, there should be darkness. Read this article to know more about feeling unhappy!
Are you struggling to cope with transitions in life? Read our article on signs and tips for coping with life transitions.
Do you always feel that everything’s always going wrong? Find out how to stop this cycle of bad thoughts in its tracks. When you think positively, things will start to appear positive and you will eventually feel more positive and optimistic.
People always think: that’s just me. I'm not good at 'X', that is just my character. Here are some reasons why it's never too late to change.
Read the complete article
Feel like everyone takes you for granted? Whether it's working late to prepare a presentation or cooking a special birthday meal for your partner, it's nice to be appreciated when you've made an extra effort. And if it seems as if people don't notice, you might feel as if no one values you.
Read the complete article
From colouring your hair to whitening your teeth, there's a wide array of cosmetic options to make you look more youthful. But there's also a range of solutions that have been shown to slow or even reverse the ageing process.
Many people focus on finding happiness. But just as those who try too hard to be cool are never cool, if you're always striving to be happy, you will never achieve happiness. What's the problem? Perhaps you're just trying too hard!
Bach Flowers are not medicinal but harmless plant extracts which are used to support health.
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Are you unsure which Bach flowers can help you? Contact Tom for free advice.
