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How to prove your value

How to prove your value

Feel like everyone takes you for granted? Whether it's working late to prepare a presentation or cooking a special birthday meal for your partner, it's nice to be appreciated when you've made an extra effort. And if it seems as if people don't notice, you might feel as if no one values you.

But if you often feel unappreciated and undervalued, feelings of anger and resentment may develop, and your work and family relationships could suffer. Luckily, there are several strategies to help you feel valued.


Look at actions, not words

Just because people don't say thank you, it doesn't mean that they don't value you. There are other ways to express gratitude apart from words.

Maybe your teenager gives you a high five, or your partner makes you a cup of tea when you come home as a way of showing their appreciation. And at work, if a colleague makes you a coffee or treats you to lunch, it might be their way of showing their appreciation.

So it's worth bearing in mind that your family, friends and colleagues might be showing how much they value you in ways you might not have considered. You might find that they're more appreciative than you've given them credit for.

Learn to say "no"

Sometimes it seems that the more you do for people, the more they take you for granted. And they may forget to value everything you've done for them. So try to say "no" sometimes. Being a bit more assertive reminds people not to take you for granted and that you're not always available willing to pitch in. If you don't feel self-confident enough to do this, Bach Flowers Mix 44 can boost your self-esteem and help you to be more assertive.

It can also be helpful to say no occasionally if you've got into a habit of "people-pleasing". For example, if a friend asks you to go to the pub when you're tired and had been planning a quiet evening in, it's OK to say no. If your friend values you, they'll be happy to catch up with you later. It can be tough to decline a request for a favour or a social invitation, but doing so occasionally reminds people that you are your own person and don't have to do things you don't want to do.

Be kind to other people

A proven way to boost your sense of well being is to help others. Showing kindness allows you to feel good about yourself, and then it doesn't seem to matter so much whether others show their appreciation of you or not.

Doing something to help the community can bring you unexpected bonuses, such as the chance to learn new skills or practice ones you already have and more time to exercise.

When you consider all the benefits you acquire through being kind and helping others, you may be surprised at how many things you should be grateful for.

Value others

When you focus on the way others fail to show how they value you, you might forget to show that you appreciate others. But when you say thank you to your family, friends or colleagues, you will inspire others to value you as well.

So thank those surrounding you for everything they do for you. You could show how much you value others by saying "thank you", or you could write a heartfelt note or send flowers to show your appreciation.

Reframe negative thought patterns

Watch out for patterns of negative thinking. When you're constantly telling yourself that no one appreciates you or say to yourself, "No one but me ever does anything around here", these exaggerated thoughts will make you feel even worse.

Reframe your thoughts and remind yourself of occasions when others have shown how much they appreciate and value you. And remember the times when you've been assertive and set limits on what you are prepared to do.

Tell yourself that your family appreciates everything you do, even though they don't always show it. Replacing negative thoughts with positive ones will help you feel more valued.

Speak out

Sometimes it can help to let others know how you're feeling, so don't be afraid to ask for more appreciation. You could try telling your boss, partner, or kids how much you enjoy it when your hard work is noticed and valued.

You'll probably find that some people will be delighted to show how much they appreciate you when they know that it's important to you. But others may pass it off with a joke or insist that they already show how much they value you.

 Bear in mind that people sometimes joke about things that make them uncomfortable. Their joking response may reflect their own lack of self-esteem rather than how they really feel about you.

Who is really the most valued person in your life?

If you ask people who is the most important person in their life, they will usually say it's their partner, child, parent or friend. But who do you really depend on most? Who gets you out of bed and dressed in the morning, feeds you and gets you to school or work?

That's right... it's you! You are the number one person in your life because you are central to your own existence. So learn to value yourself: without you, your life would not exist.


Sources: 

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/tips-and-support/raise-low-self-esteem/

https://www.regain.us/advice/general/are-you-feeling-unappreciated-what-to-do-and-how-to-speak-up/

Created by Tom Vermeersch ()

Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.

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How to prove your value

How to prove your value
How to prove your value

Feel like everyone takes you for granted? Whether it's working late to prepare a presentation or cooking a special birthday meal for your partner, it's nice to be appreciated when you've made an extra effort. And if it seems as if people don't notice, you might feel as if no one values you.

But if you often feel unappreciated and undervalued, feelings of anger and resentment may develop, and your work and family relationships could suffer. Luckily, there are several strategies to help you feel valued.

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Discover how Personal Bach flowers remedy - Wizard can help you

Look at actions, not words

Just because people don't say thank you, it doesn't mean that they don't value you. There are other ways to express gratitude apart from words.

Maybe your teenager gives you a high five, or your partner makes you a cup of tea when you come home as a way of showing their appreciation. And at work, if a colleague makes you a coffee or treats you to lunch, it might be their way of showing their appreciation.

So it's worth bearing in mind that your family, friends and colleagues might be showing how much they value you in ways you might not have considered. You might find that they're more appreciative than you've given them credit for.

Learn to say "no"

Sometimes it seems that the more you do for people, the more they take you for granted. And they may forget to value everything you've done for them. So try to say "no" sometimes. Being a bit more assertive reminds people not to take you for granted and that you're not always available willing to pitch in. If you don't feel self-confident enough to do this, Bach Flowers Mix 44 can boost your self-esteem and help you to be more assertive.

It can also be helpful to say no occasionally if you've got into a habit of "people-pleasing". For example, if a friend asks you to go to the pub when you're tired and had been planning a quiet evening in, it's OK to say no. If your friend values you, they'll be happy to catch up with you later. It can be tough to decline a request for a favour or a social invitation, but doing so occasionally reminds people that you are your own person and don't have to do things you don't want to do.

Be kind to other people

A proven way to boost your sense of well being is to help others. Showing kindness allows you to feel good about yourself, and then it doesn't seem to matter so much whether others show their appreciation of you or not.

Doing something to help the community can bring you unexpected bonuses, such as the chance to learn new skills or practice ones you already have and more time to exercise.

When you consider all the benefits you acquire through being kind and helping others, you may be surprised at how many things you should be grateful for.

Value others

When you focus on the way others fail to show how they value you, you might forget to show that you appreciate others. But when you say thank you to your family, friends or colleagues, you will inspire others to value you as well.

So thank those surrounding you for everything they do for you. You could show how much you value others by saying "thank you", or you could write a heartfelt note or send flowers to show your appreciation.

Reframe negative thought patterns

Watch out for patterns of negative thinking. When you're constantly telling yourself that no one appreciates you or say to yourself, "No one but me ever does anything around here", these exaggerated thoughts will make you feel even worse.

Reframe your thoughts and remind yourself of occasions when others have shown how much they appreciate and value you. And remember the times when you've been assertive and set limits on what you are prepared to do.

Tell yourself that your family appreciates everything you do, even though they don't always show it. Replacing negative thoughts with positive ones will help you feel more valued.

Speak out

Sometimes it can help to let others know how you're feeling, so don't be afraid to ask for more appreciation. You could try telling your boss, partner, or kids how much you enjoy it when your hard work is noticed and valued.

You'll probably find that some people will be delighted to show how much they appreciate you when they know that it's important to you. But others may pass it off with a joke or insist that they already show how much they value you.

 Bear in mind that people sometimes joke about things that make them uncomfortable. Their joking response may reflect their own lack of self-esteem rather than how they really feel about you.

Who is really the most valued person in your life?

If you ask people who is the most important person in their life, they will usually say it's their partner, child, parent or friend. But who do you really depend on most? Who gets you out of bed and dressed in the morning, feeds you and gets you to school or work?

That's right... it's you! You are the number one person in your life because you are central to your own existence. So learn to value yourself: without you, your life would not exist.


Sources: 

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/tips-and-support/raise-low-self-esteem/

https://www.regain.us/advice/general/are-you-feeling-unappreciated-what-to-do-and-how-to-speak-up/


Marie Pure

Other articles


5 tips to survive autumn healthily

5 tips to survive autumn healthily

We simply can’t avoid noticing the changes all around us. Autumn is here... Autumn is also called a transitional season. Slowly and steadily, it prepares us for the transition...

Read the complete article

Is it OCD Find out!

Is it OCD? Find out!

While you often hear people joking that they have OCD because they like to keep their house clean and tidy, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder can be a distressing and debilitating mental health condition with a wide range of symptoms.

Read the complete article

Are most people good or bad

Are most people good or bad?

Do you sometimes despair about humanity because it seems there are far more bad people than good? Are we primarily selfish individuals, thinking only about our own needs? Or is this cynical belief just because we spend so much time online? The truth is more complicated!

Read the complete article

Hiding a depression find out if someone you know - or you yourself! - is doing this

Hiding a depression: find out if someone you know - or you yourself! - is doing this

It's not always easy to tell if someone has depression. While some signs such as sadness, pessimism and withdrawal from social interaction are easy to recognise, other symptoms may be less obvious. And some people are very good at hiding their depression - even from themselves!

Read the complete article

Is your sex life putting your relationship at risk

Is your sex life putting your relationship at risk?

Sexual desire is a complex interaction of hormones, emotions and well-being. When your partner is not as interested in sex as you are, it’s rarely a rejection of you as a person. So it’s essential to be as empathetic as you can regarding your differing libidos.

Read the complete article

20 natural ways to prevent and relieve headaches

20 natural ways to prevent and relieve headaches

Headaches can be a real nuisance, especially if you get them frequently. Luckily, there are many natural ways to prevent and relieve headaches without needing to reach for over the counter medication.

Read the complete article

5 Signs of narcissistic perversion

5 Signs of narcissistic perversion

Narcissism is a term we often see these days. But what does it mean? It's used to describe a person who is full of themselves or overly vain. However, it's not really about self-love.

Read the complete article

Six things we think will make us happy, but don't!

Six things we think will make us happy, but don't!

When you think about things that will make you happy, what are the images that come to mind? Wealth, beauty, a dream house, long holidays, a top of the range car? Happiness is not a constant and how happy we feel depends on the way we choose to live our lives. 

Read the complete article

Top 5 nonsensical reasons to have doubts about yourself

Top 5 nonsensical reasons to have doubts about yourself

It happens to everyone at times: we start doubting ourselves. We worry about the decisions and whether we can face future challenges that life has in store. And sometimes we feel that we just aren't good enough.

Read the complete article

What can you do if your kid doesn't want to go back to school

What can you do if your kid doesn't want to go back to school?

What can you do if your kid doesn't want to go back to school? Here are our hints and tips to help if your child is expressing a refusal to go to school.

Read the complete article

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