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Do you 'Musturbate' too much?

Do you 'Musturbate' too much

Do you suffer from a disorder known as "musturbation"? This term was first coined in the 1950s by psychotherapist Albert Ellis and described the way a negative inner voice rules our minds and bludgeons us with words such as "must", "should", and "ought". This negative thought pattern is also known as "should-ing" - "I should do better at work", "I ought to go for that promotion", or "I have to help with the school fete". This is your "musturbully" talking. But if you were talking to a friend about a problem, would you be as hard on them as you are on yourself?


Can you benefit from being kinder to yourself?

We know about being kind and compassionate to others, but can we also be kind to ourselves? And why is self-compassion so important? Many of us put the needs of others before our own well-being.

We are raised to believe that putting our needs first is selfish. But in reality, being compassionate and kind to yourself is responsible behaviour rather than selfishness.

Self-compassion is often overlooked, but when you are kind to yourself, it helps you reach out and be kind to others. So when your negative inner voice is telling you that you must do something you don't want to do, ask yourself whether you would advise or speak to a friend in the same way. Or would you advise them not to be so hard on themselves?

It's vital to pause, take a step back and treat yourself kindly, whether mentally congratulating yourself for a successful work project or treating yourself to a spa day. And don't feel guilty while you do it!

However, if being kind to yourself doesn't come naturally, you're certainly not the only one! Practising self-compassion makes many people feel uneasy. See our quiz below and find out whether you're really being kind to yourself or "musturbating" too much.

Quiz: How kind to yourself are you?

1. How much Me-time do you allow yourself?

a) Time for myself isn't necessary for me.

b) I don't always manage to make time for myself because I've got too much on my plate.

c) I always build some time for myself into my daily schedule.

2. You've arranged to meet up with friends for a drink after work, but you've been working on a demanding project all week, and you're feeling exhausted. What do you decide to do?

a) Meet your friends but make an excuse and leave to carry on working, then make an excuse to go back to work

b) Go along because you would feel guilty if you cancelled, but feel stressed and can't stop thinking about work.

c) My friends will understand - I'll explain things to them, arrange to meet another time, and go home to get a good night's sleep.

3. You run into someone who knows you but can't remember their name. Do you:

a) Feel furious with yourself for forgetting their name and go over and over your mortification for the rest of the day.

b) Bluff your way through the conversation, feeling very anxious.

c) Make a joke of it and say sorry - it happens all the time.

4. What are you doing this weekend?

a) Working - I need the weekend to catch up on work stuff I didn't get done in the week.

b) I'll see what everyone else wants to do.

c) I'll be doing something that makes me happy.

5. You're giving a key presentation at work, but you stumble over some words. How do you feel afterwards?

a) Go over and over in your head what a disaster you are and lose your self-confidence.

b) Focus on what went well and learn from your mistakes, so you do better in the future.

c) Talk it through with a friend, feel mortified for a while, then move on.


Mostly As:

You need to practice self-compassion. Being kind to yourself appears to be the last thing on your mind. Learn to ignore your "Musturbully" with baby steps. Set aside one evening a week one night for some self-care. Switch off your screens and relax in a bubble bath, listen to music or watch a movie.

Mostly Bs:

You're kind to yourself - some of the time!

Sometimes you can be your own best friend; at other times, your inner critic gets the better of you. Try being more assertive. It's OK to turn down an invitation sometimes and have a night at home looking after yourself if that's what you need.

Mostly Cs:

You know the importance of being kind to yourself

You are your best friend. You understand how vital it is to be kind to yourself. If you don't look after yourself, you'll burn out and won't function well enough to look after others, so you schedule regular time for yourself every day.

How to boost your self compassion skills

Being kind to yourself doesn't always come naturally. Many of us are hard on ourselves, but it doesn't have to be that way. Self-compassion is a skill you can learn. Here are a few tips to get you started:

Nurture your body

Eat healthy food, go for a walk, or spend the day gardening. Anything you do to look after your body is a vital step to self-compassion. Bach Flowers Mix 44 helps you believe in yourself and reduce performance anxiety.

Be mindful

Meditating for a few minutes or spending time in nature is a fantastic way to be kind to yourself.

Keep a journal

When a situation has caused you pain, describe it in your journal without allocating any blame - especially to yourself. This exercise will help you analyse your feelings and avoid getting trapped in a cycle of negative thinking.

Encourage yourself

If a close friend was facing challenging and stressful times, what would you say to them? You'd try to be supportive, encouraging and optimistic. When you're in a similar situation, ignore your inner "musturbully" and be compassionate towards yourself.


Sources:

https://positivepsychology.com/how-to-practice-self-compassion/

https://self-compassion.org/wptest/wp-content/uploads/self_compassion_exercise.pdf

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/guides-tools-and-activities/five-steps-to-mental-wellbeing/

Created by Tom Vermeersch ()

Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.

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Do you 'Musturbate' too much?

Do you 'Musturbate' too much?
Do you 'Musturbate' too much

Do you suffer from a disorder known as "musturbation"? This term was first coined in the 1950s by psychotherapist Albert Ellis and described the way a negative inner voice rules our minds and bludgeons us with words such as "must", "should", and "ought". This negative thought pattern is also known as "should-ing" - "I should do better at work", "I ought to go for that promotion", or "I have to help with the school fete". This is your "musturbully" talking. But if you were talking to a friend about a problem, would you be as hard on them as you are on yourself?

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Can you benefit from being kinder to yourself?

We know about being kind and compassionate to others, but can we also be kind to ourselves? And why is self-compassion so important? Many of us put the needs of others before our own well-being.

We are raised to believe that putting our needs first is selfish. But in reality, being compassionate and kind to yourself is responsible behaviour rather than selfishness.

Self-compassion is often overlooked, but when you are kind to yourself, it helps you reach out and be kind to others. So when your negative inner voice is telling you that you must do something you don't want to do, ask yourself whether you would advise or speak to a friend in the same way. Or would you advise them not to be so hard on themselves?

It's vital to pause, take a step back and treat yourself kindly, whether mentally congratulating yourself for a successful work project or treating yourself to a spa day. And don't feel guilty while you do it!

However, if being kind to yourself doesn't come naturally, you're certainly not the only one! Practising self-compassion makes many people feel uneasy. See our quiz below and find out whether you're really being kind to yourself or "musturbating" too much.

Quiz: How kind to yourself are you?

1. How much Me-time do you allow yourself?

a) Time for myself isn't necessary for me.

b) I don't always manage to make time for myself because I've got too much on my plate.

c) I always build some time for myself into my daily schedule.

2. You've arranged to meet up with friends for a drink after work, but you've been working on a demanding project all week, and you're feeling exhausted. What do you decide to do?

a) Meet your friends but make an excuse and leave to carry on working, then make an excuse to go back to work

b) Go along because you would feel guilty if you cancelled, but feel stressed and can't stop thinking about work.

c) My friends will understand - I'll explain things to them, arrange to meet another time, and go home to get a good night's sleep.

3. You run into someone who knows you but can't remember their name. Do you:

a) Feel furious with yourself for forgetting their name and go over and over your mortification for the rest of the day.

b) Bluff your way through the conversation, feeling very anxious.

c) Make a joke of it and say sorry - it happens all the time.

4. What are you doing this weekend?

a) Working - I need the weekend to catch up on work stuff I didn't get done in the week.

b) I'll see what everyone else wants to do.

c) I'll be doing something that makes me happy.

5. You're giving a key presentation at work, but you stumble over some words. How do you feel afterwards?

a) Go over and over in your head what a disaster you are and lose your self-confidence.

b) Focus on what went well and learn from your mistakes, so you do better in the future.

c) Talk it through with a friend, feel mortified for a while, then move on.


Mostly As:

You need to practice self-compassion. Being kind to yourself appears to be the last thing on your mind. Learn to ignore your "Musturbully" with baby steps. Set aside one evening a week one night for some self-care. Switch off your screens and relax in a bubble bath, listen to music or watch a movie.

Mostly Bs:

You're kind to yourself - some of the time!

Sometimes you can be your own best friend; at other times, your inner critic gets the better of you. Try being more assertive. It's OK to turn down an invitation sometimes and have a night at home looking after yourself if that's what you need.

Mostly Cs:

You know the importance of being kind to yourself

You are your best friend. You understand how vital it is to be kind to yourself. If you don't look after yourself, you'll burn out and won't function well enough to look after others, so you schedule regular time for yourself every day.

How to boost your self compassion skills

Being kind to yourself doesn't always come naturally. Many of us are hard on ourselves, but it doesn't have to be that way. Self-compassion is a skill you can learn. Here are a few tips to get you started:

Nurture your body

Eat healthy food, go for a walk, or spend the day gardening. Anything you do to look after your body is a vital step to self-compassion. Bach Flowers Mix 44 helps you believe in yourself and reduce performance anxiety.

Be mindful

Meditating for a few minutes or spending time in nature is a fantastic way to be kind to yourself.

Keep a journal

When a situation has caused you pain, describe it in your journal without allocating any blame - especially to yourself. This exercise will help you analyse your feelings and avoid getting trapped in a cycle of negative thinking.

Encourage yourself

If a close friend was facing challenging and stressful times, what would you say to them? You'd try to be supportive, encouraging and optimistic. When you're in a similar situation, ignore your inner "musturbully" and be compassionate towards yourself.


Sources:

https://positivepsychology.com/how-to-practice-self-compassion/

https://self-compassion.org/wptest/wp-content/uploads/self_compassion_exercise.pdf

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/guides-tools-and-activities/five-steps-to-mental-wellbeing/


Marie Pure

Other articles


Top 5 nonsensical reasons to have doubts about yourself

Top 5 nonsensical reasons to have doubts about yourself

It happens to everyone at times: we start doubting ourselves. We worry about the decisions and whether we can face future challenges that life has in store. And sometimes we feel that we just aren't good enough.

Read the complete article

5 tips to survive autumn healthily

5 tips to survive autumn healthily

We simply can’t avoid noticing the changes all around us. Autumn is here... Autumn is also called a transitional season. Slowly and steadily, it prepares us for the transition...

Read the complete article

What makes it so hard to go back to work

What makes it so hard to go back to work?

Millions of people furloughed for months are now being recalled to work. Others, who have been working from home throughout the lockdown, are returning to the office. And some jobs have simply disappeared: many people are facing redundancy and will soon have to cope with job hunting. Going back to work after an unprecedented length of time at home is quite a challenge.

Read the complete article

Stop worrying and live in the moment

Stop worrying and live in the moment

People spend so much of their time regretting the past and worrying about the future. But it’s not worth it! Even what happened yesterday doesn't matter anymore! Let go of the past and the future and make the most of every moment.

Read the complete article

Do you expect too much from others

Do you expect too much from others?

Do you expect more from others than they are prepared to give? Signs that you may be asking too much - and how to break the pattern.

Read the complete article

Fact or fiction Is it truly healthy

Fact or fiction? Is it truly healthy?

There's so much contradictory health advice out there, it gets confusing. One year, butter is said to be bad for you, and margarine is better. The following year, it's the other way around. One article says running causes strain on your joints; another says it's good for you because it increases bone strength.

Read the complete article

Six things we think will make us happy, but don't!

Six things we think will make us happy, but don't!

When you think about things that will make you happy, what are the images that come to mind? Wealth, beauty, a dream house, long holidays, a top of the range car? Happiness is not a constant and how happy we feel depends on the way we choose to live our lives. 

Read the complete article

Stop procrastinating right now and do something!

Stop procrastinating right now and do something!

Read some tips to get the challenge you're thinking about out of the way. Now is the time to do something, you can start right now. Read on to know more!

Read the complete article

Why it's never too late to change

Why it's never too late to change

People always think: that’s just me. I'm not good at 'X', that is just my character. Here are some reasons why it's never too late to change.

Read the complete article

Why you're not the best

Why you're not the best

What are your aims in life? Do you plan to be rich, to be a top footballer, to be a good parent, or to become Prime Minister? However efficiently you plan your life, sooner or later you are going to come up against obstacles to achieving your goals.

Read the complete article

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