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Do you often feel let down by others? Maybe you think that you do stuff for them and never get anything back in return, or perhaps you believe it's just down to bad luck or that you are always too nice. But if disappointment in other people often happens to you, then maybe the reason is you - your expectations may be unrealistic.
So what unconscious behaviours could you be playing out that create a life in which people let you down? And is there a way to break this pattern?
Do you believe that what you give, you should receive an equal measure in return? You see giving as a business transaction. But you should give without any expectation of return.
So next time someone asks you to help them out, only give your time and energy if you feel good about it, and understand that you are doing so without any expectations of the favour being returned. If you find this challenging, try stopping giving altogether until you feel ready to give freely without any strings attached.
Do you know how to say no? Perhaps you aren't setting clear personal boundaries, so others don't understand what you do and do not find acceptable, and you aren't honest about what you do and do not want to do. When you fail to set personal boundaries, you find yourself doing things not because you want to do them but because you don't know how to say no. And if the other person is more assertive with boundaries than you, the result is that you feel disappointed and used.
Imagine how different you would feel if you were more self-confident and you kept more of your energy and time for yourself. Bach Flowers Mix 44 can help you feel more confident and believe in yourself more.
Expectations that are too high damage relationships, leaving us constantly feeling let down. When we have high expectations of others, it blinds us to who the person really is. And in our determination to have our demands fulfilled, we don't see what they can offer us. So it's not that they don't give us anything; instead, we ask them for things they can't provide.
Think about someone that you're having problems with. Now, make a list of your expectations of them. Are these demands fair? Would your relationship improve if you ripped up the list and simply accepted the person for who they are?
Sometimes, you might feel disappointed with someone just because you didn't get your own way! But you can never fully control others. So take a moment to consider the individual who hasn't met your expectations. When did you last think about what they wanted or needed in your relationship?
At first glance, codependent people can seem like they are too nice, giving almost too much. This is because their life revolves around doing things for others and making them happy. But the other side of the coin is that they expect others to do something that makes them happy in return. Unfortunately, it's often too much to ask, and the result is a feeling of disappointment.
It could be that your self-esteem relies too much on your relationships, and you need to build your self-confidence, Bach Flower Mix 78 can help with codependency. It contains Bach flower essences that help avoid panic attacks, overcome the fear of being abandoned and support your self-belief.
If you repeatedly choose toxic partners and friends who are emotionally unavailable, you will feel constantly let down. If you are stuck in a pattern of unhealthy relationships, it may stem from traumatic events or core beliefs instilled in your childhood that continue to control your choices. For example, you may be following the pattern of a relationship you had with a parent growing up.
Think about your friendships or relationships. Did they all start in similar ways, and do the same dramas and power dynamics play out repeatedly?
You may be expecting support from the wrong people, who simply don't have the emotional intelligence to help you. If your feelings of being let down are making life difficult, or you believe they may come from an experience in your childhood, it can sometimes be easier to talk about it to someone other than family or friends. A therapist or counsellor offers a safe, non-judgmental and unbiased environment for you to explore your feelings of being let down by your expectations of others.
You don't always have to say yes, always "be nice" and give more than you want, then always feel disappointed. Nobody is making you do these things; you choose to do them. So you aren't really a victim; you are choosing to be one.
Taking control and being more assertive about your needs can be challenging - these tips will help.
You can't control others, so let go of your expectations. Instead, look around and find things you are grateful for, even when things don't turn out how you hope. Then, rather than being overshadowed by resentment, your life will be calmer, happier and more peaceful.
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/inviting-monkey-tea/201801/are-you-ready-stop-feeling-victim
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-codependency-5072124
Created by Tom Vermeersch (bio)
Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.
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Do you often feel let down by others? Maybe you think that you do stuff for them and never get anything back in return, or perhaps you believe it's just down to bad luck or that you are always too nice. But if disappointment in other people often happens to you, then maybe the reason is you - your expectations may be unrealistic.
So what unconscious behaviours could you be playing out that create a life in which people let you down? And is there a way to break this pattern?
Do you believe that what you give, you should receive an equal measure in return? You see giving as a business transaction. But you should give without any expectation of return.
So next time someone asks you to help them out, only give your time and energy if you feel good about it, and understand that you are doing so without any expectations of the favour being returned. If you find this challenging, try stopping giving altogether until you feel ready to give freely without any strings attached.
Do you know how to say no? Perhaps you aren't setting clear personal boundaries, so others don't understand what you do and do not find acceptable, and you aren't honest about what you do and do not want to do. When you fail to set personal boundaries, you find yourself doing things not because you want to do them but because you don't know how to say no. And if the other person is more assertive with boundaries than you, the result is that you feel disappointed and used.
Imagine how different you would feel if you were more self-confident and you kept more of your energy and time for yourself. Bach Flowers Mix 44 can help you feel more confident and believe in yourself more.
Expectations that are too high damage relationships, leaving us constantly feeling let down. When we have high expectations of others, it blinds us to who the person really is. And in our determination to have our demands fulfilled, we don't see what they can offer us. So it's not that they don't give us anything; instead, we ask them for things they can't provide.
Think about someone that you're having problems with. Now, make a list of your expectations of them. Are these demands fair? Would your relationship improve if you ripped up the list and simply accepted the person for who they are?
Sometimes, you might feel disappointed with someone just because you didn't get your own way! But you can never fully control others. So take a moment to consider the individual who hasn't met your expectations. When did you last think about what they wanted or needed in your relationship?
At first glance, codependent people can seem like they are too nice, giving almost too much. This is because their life revolves around doing things for others and making them happy. But the other side of the coin is that they expect others to do something that makes them happy in return. Unfortunately, it's often too much to ask, and the result is a feeling of disappointment.
It could be that your self-esteem relies too much on your relationships, and you need to build your self-confidence, Bach Flower Mix 78 can help with codependency. It contains Bach flower essences that help avoid panic attacks, overcome the fear of being abandoned and support your self-belief.
If you repeatedly choose toxic partners and friends who are emotionally unavailable, you will feel constantly let down. If you are stuck in a pattern of unhealthy relationships, it may stem from traumatic events or core beliefs instilled in your childhood that continue to control your choices. For example, you may be following the pattern of a relationship you had with a parent growing up.
Think about your friendships or relationships. Did they all start in similar ways, and do the same dramas and power dynamics play out repeatedly?
You may be expecting support from the wrong people, who simply don't have the emotional intelligence to help you. If your feelings of being let down are making life difficult, or you believe they may come from an experience in your childhood, it can sometimes be easier to talk about it to someone other than family or friends. A therapist or counsellor offers a safe, non-judgmental and unbiased environment for you to explore your feelings of being let down by your expectations of others.
You don't always have to say yes, always "be nice" and give more than you want, then always feel disappointed. Nobody is making you do these things; you choose to do them. So you aren't really a victim; you are choosing to be one.
Taking control and being more assertive about your needs can be challenging - these tips will help.
You can't control others, so let go of your expectations. Instead, look around and find things you are grateful for, even when things don't turn out how you hope. Then, rather than being overshadowed by resentment, your life will be calmer, happier and more peaceful.
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/inviting-monkey-tea/201801/are-you-ready-stop-feeling-victim
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-codependency-5072124
Read some tips to get the challenge you're thinking about out of the way. Now is the time to do something, you can start right now. Read on to know more!
Read the complete article
Feeling blue? You're not alone! We all feel sad at times; it's a normal human emotion. Sometimes, it's clear to see what has triggered our depression. Common reasons for feeling sad include bereavement, the end of a relationship, losing your job or money problems. But it's not always so clearcut.
While you often hear people joking that they have OCD because they like to keep their house clean and tidy, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder can be a distressing and debilitating mental health condition with a wide range of symptoms.
Feel like everyone takes you for granted? Whether it's working late to prepare a presentation or cooking a special birthday meal for your partner, it's nice to be appreciated when you've made an extra effort. And if it seems as if people don't notice, you might feel as if no one values you.
Read the complete article
Nowadays, it can sometimes seem almost everyone has a mental health issue or learning disorder. But, are we too quick to label people, or is it that we are more aware of the problems? This article looks at some of the issues surrounding these sensitive questions.
Do you sometimes feel your achievements are not the result of your hard work and skill but are just luck? And do you fear that one day, someone will reveal you as an imposter or fraud? You might have imposter syndrome!
As parents, we often worry about a poor school report as much, if not more, as our kids do! And if your child's grades are slipping, you'll be looking for reasons and if there's anything you can do to help.
Do you suffer from a disorder known as "musturbation"? This term was first coined in the 1950s by psychotherapist Albert Ellis and described the way a negative inner voice rules our minds and bludgeons us with words such as "must", "should", and "ought".
Your relationship ends, or you lose your job, and you get stuck in a rut of negative thoughts and suffering. How good are you at letting go of grudges and accepting that some things are beyond your control? Take our quiz to find out!
Read the complete article
Do you find yourself often thinking about your past? Do you wish you could turn back the clock to days gone by or things as they were before covid disrupted the world?
Bach Flowers are not medicinal but harmless plant extracts which are used to support health.
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