Do you expect too much from others?

Do you often feel let down by others? Maybe you think that you do stuff for them and never get anything back in return, or perhaps you believe it's just down to bad luck or that you are always too nice. But if disappointment in other people often happens to you, then maybe the reason is you - your expectations may be unrealistic.

So what unconscious behaviours could you be playing out that create a life in which people let you down? And is there a way to break this pattern?

Signs that you might be too demanding - and what to do about it

1. You don't understand what giving is

Do you believe that what you give, you should receive an equal measure in return? You see giving as a business transaction. But you should give without any expectation of return.

So next time someone asks you to help them out, only give your time and energy if you feel good about it, and understand that you are doing so without any expectations of the favour being returned. If you find this challenging, try stopping giving altogether until you feel ready to give freely without any strings attached.

2. You don't set clear boundaries

Do you know how to say no? Perhaps you aren't setting clear personal boundaries, so others don't understand what you do and do not find acceptable, and you aren't honest about what you do and do not want to do. When you fail to set personal boundaries, you find yourself doing things not because you want to do them but because you don't know how to say no. And if the other person is more assertive with boundaries than you, the result is that you feel disappointed and used.

Imagine how different you would feel if you were more self-confident and you kept more of your energy and time for yourself. Bach Flowers Mix 44 can help you feel more confident and believe in yourself more.

3. You have unrealistic expectations

Expectations that are too high damage relationships, leaving us constantly feeling let down. When we have high expectations of others, it blinds us to who the person really is. And in our determination to have our demands fulfilled, we don't see what they can offer us. So it's not that they don't give us anything; instead, we ask them for things they can't provide.

Think about someone that you're having problems with. Now, make a list of your expectations of them. Are these demands fair? Would your relationship improve if you ripped up the list and simply accepted the person for who they are?

4. You are being too controlling

Sometimes, you might feel disappointed with someone just because you didn't get your own way! But you can never fully control others. So take a moment to consider the individual who hasn't met your expectations. When did you last think about what they wanted or needed in your relationship?

5. You may be co-dependant

At first glance, codependent people can seem like they are too nice, giving almost too much. This is because their life revolves around doing things for others and making them happy. But the other side of the coin is that they expect others to do something that makes them happy in return. Unfortunately, it's often too much to ask, and the result is a feeling of disappointment.

It could be that your self-esteem relies too much on your relationships, and you need to build your self-confidence, Bach Flower Mix 78 can help with codependency. It contains Bach flower essences that help avoid panic attacks, overcome the fear of being abandoned and support your self-belief.

6. You may be choosing unhealthy relationships

If you repeatedly choose toxic partners and friends who are emotionally unavailable, you will feel constantly let down. If you are stuck in a pattern of unhealthy relationships, it may stem from traumatic events or core beliefs instilled in your childhood that continue to control your choices. For example, you may be following the pattern of a relationship you had with a parent growing up.

Think about your friendships or relationships. Did they all start in similar ways, and do the same dramas and power dynamics play out repeatedly?

You may be expecting support from the wrong people, who simply don't have the emotional intelligence to help you. If your feelings of being let down are making life difficult, or you believe they may come from an experience in your childhood, it can sometimes be easier to talk about it to someone other than family or friends. A therapist or counsellor offers a safe, non-judgmental and unbiased environment for you to explore your feelings of being let down by your expectations of others.

7. You think of yourself as a victim

You don't always have to say yes, always "be nice" and give more than you want, then always feel disappointed. Nobody is making you do these things; you choose to do them. So you aren't really a victim; you are choosing to be one.

Taking control and being more assertive about your needs can be challenging - these tips will help.

• Practice saying "no." If you're asked to do something you don't want to do, don't do it.
• Stop blaming other people.
• Try to understand why you feel powerless and your need to feel in control.
• Look after yourself and be kind as you would be to a good friend.
• Focussing on helping others will help you feel better about yourself.
• Practice gratitude.

A final thought

You can't control others, so let go of your expectations. Instead, look around and find things you are grateful for, even when things don't turn out how you hope. Then, rather than being overshadowed by resentment, your life will be calmer, happier and more peaceful.

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/inviting-monkey-tea/201801/are-you-ready-stop-feeling-victim

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-codependency-5072124

Other articles

Letting go: A guide for survivors

Facing the loss of a family member or close friend is probably one of the most difficult challenges that life throws at us. When we've lost a partner, parent, brother or sister, we're likely to experience intense grief.

What makes it so hard to go back to work?

Millions of people furloughed for months are now being recalled to work. Others, who have been working from home throughout the lockdown, are returning to the office. And some jobs have simply disappeared: many people are facing redundancy and will soon have to cope with job hunting. Going back to work after an unprecedented length of time at home is quite a challenge.

Are things moving too fast for you?

If you're worried that the world is changing too fast, you're not alone: technology is constantly developing, and it can be challenging to keep up with all the changes. As a result, many people - not just the older generations - feel anxious that they might get left behind.

Are you resilient enough? Take our quiz!

Do you have enough resilience to face the world out there? Take our quiz to find out how resilient you are and find tips on how to build your mental resilience.

Find out if you're suffering from imposter syndrome

Do you sometimes feel your achievements are not the result of your hard work and skill but are just luck? And do you fear that one day, someone will reveal you as an imposter or fraud? You might have imposter syndrome!

5 Signs of narcissistic perversion

Narcissism is a term we often see these days. But what does it mean? It's used to describe a person who is full of themselves or overly vain. However, it's not really about self-love.

Live Forever: the Habits of People Who Live a Long, Healthy Life

Legends of immortality have been told and retold throughout history. From ancient Greek myths to modern movies and novels, the dream of eternal youth has been passed down from generation to generation.

How to be less judgemental of others (and yourself!)

Do you feel you’re always criticising and judging everyone, yourself included? Do you feel bad about it afterwards? You’re certainly not alone! Read on to discover how you can judge less and start to accept things the way they are.

Letting go of the past: 5 tips

Lynn Anderson told it very nicely in her song “I beg your pardon; I never promised you a rose garden”. Life isn’t all roses and everybody experiences something they would rather not once in their life.

Do you 'Musturbate' too much?

Do you suffer from a disorder known as "musturbation"? This term was first coined in the 1950s by psychotherapist Albert Ellis and described the way a negative inner voice rules our minds and bludgeons us with words such as "must", "should", and "ought".