The consequences for adults after a divorce

While it is always possible to find out information about the effects that divorce has on children, it can be difficult to find information on the consequences for adults after a divorce. In many western countries, the divorce rates remain high, but are starting to stagnate.

This is mainly due to more couples choosing not to marry in the first place, or not being able to afford divorce, as the same level of resources required to run one household in marriage, can rarely be stretched to cover the outgoings of two households.

Increasingly people understand that their lives post-divorce will be tough, and there are some differences depending on whether you are a man or a woman.

Generally speaking, for women, divorce means:

• The vast majority of women gain custody of the children and remain primary carers
• 60% of people who are in poverty are divorced women
• On the whole, single mothers with large families earn little because they balance low paid jobs with caring responsibilities.
• Many women struggle to receive the child support they are entitled to
• However, after divorce, women experience less stress and better adjustment to life than their ex-partners. They tend to feel relieved to be out of troublesome marriages, and have social networks that offer them support.
• Many women experience a rise in self-esteem.

Generally speaking, for men, divorce means:

• A struggle to adjust emotionally, a loss of intimacy, a loss of social connection.
• Reduced finances
• Interruption of their parental role.
• Men tend to remarry more quickly than women.
• Those men that negotiate joint legal custody, shared parenting and remain involved with their children for activities and expenses, tend to be more compliant with their child support obligations.
• Men tend to be more negative about divorce than women, and research in the US suggests are more likely to try to salvage a relationship.

Divorce as a process

Research undertaken in the United Kingdom, New Zealand, and Australia, has indicated that it can be helpful for adults to understand divorce as a process rather than one single event that terminates a marriage. A build-up of stress, alienation and anger and negative emotion takes place prior to the idea of divorce even being raised, and from there, many conflicts remain unresolved. All members of a family, children and adults, are experience life transitions over an extended period of time, which can be exhausting and traumatic. Adults will experience feelings of bitterness, helplessness, and anger.

In the immediate period surrounding the decision to divorce, there will be discussions of how and when to separate. It is at this stage that some couples explore marriage counselling, although others just choose trail separation, and some opt for extramarital affairs. The marriage at this time can still be in a state of flux as roles and positions are renegotiated.

Stress, anxiety and depression caused by the divorce or pre-divorce pressure can adversely affect parenting. Studies in the U.S. and U.K. found children and adolescents suffered thanks to high levels of marital disharmony, and inconsistent parenting or just through the fact that parents were not taking care of themselves, let alone their offspring. Changing family dynamics expose children to a greater level of spousal fighting and everyone finds that their emotional and psychological well-being starts to diminish.

Post-divorce, the most difficult and stressful phase of the divorce process for all members of the family begins. Divorcing parents have to redefine their own world, by acknowledging legal obligations, and negotiating their way economically, while redefining their roles as single or absent parents, or as primary caregiver. There are many new stressors, but at least now the fighting can hopefully cease, and a new road forged ahead.

Other articles

What makes it so hard to go back to work?

Millions of people furloughed for months are now being recalled to work. Others, who have been working from home throughout the lockdown, are returning to the office. And some jobs have simply disappeared: many people are facing redundancy and will soon have to cope with job hunting. Going back to work after an unprecedented length of time at home is quite a challenge.

10 Tips to get the best out of every day

When we’re stuck in a bit of a rut, the days and nights slip past so quickly that we barely notice them. But life is not a rehearsal!

Can you accept things you can't change? Take our quiz!

Your relationship ends, or you lose your job, and you get stuck in a rut of negative thoughts and suffering. How good are you at letting go of grudges and accepting that some things are beyond your control? Take our quiz to find out!

Simple tips to not be afraid of the future

No one knows what the future holds, so don't waste time and energy worrying about it. Read our tips and find out how to stop being afraid of what might never happen.

What to do when the spark is fading

Why do you feel butterflies at the start of a new romance, and how can you keep the flame burning in a long term relationship as the spark starts to fade?

Choose for your happiness!

Being happy is something everybody strives for, but unfortunately there are a lot of people who go through life unhappily. A lot of people take life how it is.

How to prove your value

Feel like everyone takes you for granted? Whether it's working late to prepare a presentation or cooking a special birthday meal for your partner, it's nice to be appreciated when you've made an extra effort. And if it seems as if people don't notice, you might feel as if no one values you.

Stop worrying and live in the moment

People spend so much of their time regretting the past and worrying about the future. But it’s not worth it! Even what happened yesterday doesn't matter anymore! Let go of the past and the future and make the most of every moment.

Do you expect too much from others? Find out!

Most people are disappointed when others don't meet their expectations. But when you always expect too much, it isn't healthy, either for yourself or for others. If you often find yourself feeling let down by your loved ones or even by strangers, could it be that you have unrealistic ideas of how people should act?

Even the brightest minds have setbacks!

We all want to be successful but many of us find the path to achieving our dreams is blocked by our fear of failure. Whether you’re trying to lose weight, go backpacking around the world or start up a new business, you need to accept that you might fail many times over before you achieve success.