The consequences for adults after a divorce

While it is always possible to find out information about the effects that divorce has on children, it can be difficult to find information on the consequences for adults after a divorce. In many western countries, the divorce rates remain high, but are starting to stagnate.

This is mainly due to more couples choosing not to marry in the first place, or not being able to afford divorce, as the same level of resources required to run one household in marriage, can rarely be stretched to cover the outgoings of two households.

Increasingly people understand that their lives post-divorce will be tough, and there are some differences depending on whether you are a man or a woman.

Generally speaking, for women, divorce means:

• The vast majority of women gain custody of the children and remain primary carers
• 60% of people who are in poverty are divorced women
• On the whole, single mothers with large families earn little because they balance low paid jobs with caring responsibilities.
• Many women struggle to receive the child support they are entitled to
• However, after divorce, women experience less stress and better adjustment to life than their ex-partners. They tend to feel relieved to be out of troublesome marriages, and have social networks that offer them support.
• Many women experience a rise in self-esteem.

Generally speaking, for men, divorce means:

• A struggle to adjust emotionally, a loss of intimacy, a loss of social connection.
• Reduced finances
• Interruption of their parental role.
• Men tend to remarry more quickly than women.
• Those men that negotiate joint legal custody, shared parenting and remain involved with their children for activities and expenses, tend to be more compliant with their child support obligations.
• Men tend to be more negative about divorce than women, and research in the US suggests are more likely to try to salvage a relationship.

Divorce as a process

Research undertaken in the United Kingdom, New Zealand, and Australia, has indicated that it can be helpful for adults to understand divorce as a process rather than one single event that terminates a marriage. A build-up of stress, alienation and anger and negative emotion takes place prior to the idea of divorce even being raised, and from there, many conflicts remain unresolved. All members of a family, children and adults, are experience life transitions over an extended period of time, which can be exhausting and traumatic. Adults will experience feelings of bitterness, helplessness, and anger.

In the immediate period surrounding the decision to divorce, there will be discussions of how and when to separate. It is at this stage that some couples explore marriage counselling, although others just choose trail separation, and some opt for extramarital affairs. The marriage at this time can still be in a state of flux as roles and positions are renegotiated.

Stress, anxiety and depression caused by the divorce or pre-divorce pressure can adversely affect parenting. Studies in the U.S. and U.K. found children and adolescents suffered thanks to high levels of marital disharmony, and inconsistent parenting or just through the fact that parents were not taking care of themselves, let alone their offspring. Changing family dynamics expose children to a greater level of spousal fighting and everyone finds that their emotional and psychological well-being starts to diminish.

Post-divorce, the most difficult and stressful phase of the divorce process for all members of the family begins. Divorcing parents have to redefine their own world, by acknowledging legal obligations, and negotiating their way economically, while redefining their roles as single or absent parents, or as primary caregiver. There are many new stressors, but at least now the fighting can hopefully cease, and a new road forged ahead.

Other articles

Stop procrastinating right now and do something!

Read some tips to get the challenge you're thinking about out of the way. Now is the time to do something, you can start right now. Read on to know more!

Do you 'Musturbate' too much?

Do you suffer from a disorder known as "musturbation"? This term was first coined in the 1950s by psychotherapist Albert Ellis and described the way a negative inner voice rules our minds and bludgeons us with words such as "must", "should", and "ought".

Signs you're slipping into a burn-out

Learn how to recognise the signs of stress and avoid slipping into a burnout or a bore-out

Six things we think will make us happy, but don't!

When you think about things that will make you happy, what are the images that come to mind? Wealth, beauty, a dream house, long holidays, a top of the range car? Happiness is not a constant and how happy we feel depends on the way we choose to live our lives. 

How to prove your value

Feel like everyone takes you for granted? Whether it's working late to prepare a presentation or cooking a special birthday meal for your partner, it's nice to be appreciated when you've made an extra effort. And if it seems as if people don't notice, you might feel as if no one values you.

5 tips to survive autumn healthily

We simply can’t avoid noticing the changes all around us. Autumn is here... Autumn is also called a transitional season. Slowly and steadily, it prepares us for the transition...

Are you resilient enough? Take our quiz!

Do you have enough resilience to face the world out there? Take our quiz to find out how resilient you are and find tips on how to build your mental resilience.

Feeling blue?

Feeling blue? You're not alone! We all feel sad at times; it's a normal human emotion. Sometimes, it's clear to see what has triggered our depression. Common reasons for feeling sad include bereavement, the end of a relationship, losing your job or money problems. But it's not always so clearcut.

How to spot toxic behaviour

You see the word "toxic" everywhere these days, but what does it really mean? You've almost certainly come across someone who fits the description. Dealing with difficult personalities can be challenging and emotionally exhausting, to say the least.

Top 5 nonsensical reasons to have doubts about yourself

It happens to everyone at times: we start doubting ourselves. We worry about the decisions and whether we can face future challenges that life has in store. And sometimes we feel that we just aren't good enough.