The consequences for adults after a divorce

While it is always possible to find out information about the effects that divorce has on children, it can be difficult to find information on the consequences for adults after a divorce. In many western countries, the divorce rates remain high, but are starting to stagnate.

This is mainly due to more couples choosing not to marry in the first place, or not being able to afford divorce, as the same level of resources required to run one household in marriage, can rarely be stretched to cover the outgoings of two households.

Increasingly people understand that their lives post-divorce will be tough, and there are some differences depending on whether you are a man or a woman.

Generally speaking, for women, divorce means:

• The vast majority of women gain custody of the children and remain primary carers
• 60% of people who are in poverty are divorced women
• On the whole, single mothers with large families earn little because they balance low paid jobs with caring responsibilities.
• Many women struggle to receive the child support they are entitled to
• However, after divorce, women experience less stress and better adjustment to life than their ex-partners. They tend to feel relieved to be out of troublesome marriages, and have social networks that offer them support.
• Many women experience a rise in self-esteem.

Generally speaking, for men, divorce means:

• A struggle to adjust emotionally, a loss of intimacy, a loss of social connection.
• Reduced finances
• Interruption of their parental role.
• Men tend to remarry more quickly than women.
• Those men that negotiate joint legal custody, shared parenting and remain involved with their children for activities and expenses, tend to be more compliant with their child support obligations.
• Men tend to be more negative about divorce than women, and research in the US suggests are more likely to try to salvage a relationship.

Divorce as a process

Research undertaken in the United Kingdom, New Zealand, and Australia, has indicated that it can be helpful for adults to understand divorce as a process rather than one single event that terminates a marriage. A build-up of stress, alienation and anger and negative emotion takes place prior to the idea of divorce even being raised, and from there, many conflicts remain unresolved. All members of a family, children and adults, are experience life transitions over an extended period of time, which can be exhausting and traumatic. Adults will experience feelings of bitterness, helplessness, and anger.

In the immediate period surrounding the decision to divorce, there will be discussions of how and when to separate. It is at this stage that some couples explore marriage counselling, although others just choose trail separation, and some opt for extramarital affairs. The marriage at this time can still be in a state of flux as roles and positions are renegotiated.

Stress, anxiety and depression caused by the divorce or pre-divorce pressure can adversely affect parenting. Studies in the U.S. and U.K. found children and adolescents suffered thanks to high levels of marital disharmony, and inconsistent parenting or just through the fact that parents were not taking care of themselves, let alone their offspring. Changing family dynamics expose children to a greater level of spousal fighting and everyone finds that their emotional and psychological well-being starts to diminish.

Post-divorce, the most difficult and stressful phase of the divorce process for all members of the family begins. Divorcing parents have to redefine their own world, by acknowledging legal obligations, and negotiating their way economically, while redefining their roles as single or absent parents, or as primary caregiver. There are many new stressors, but at least now the fighting can hopefully cease, and a new road forged ahead.

Other articles

"Bach Flower Advice" becomes "Mariepure"

After 25 years in the Bach flower world, we asked ourselves, is now the right time for our own new name? Not only have we grown, but so have you, along with the confidence you have in us. That's why we want to connect ourselves to our own name. That name is Mariepure.

How to spot toxic behaviour

You see the word "toxic" everywhere these days, but what does it really mean? You've almost certainly come across someone who fits the description. Dealing with difficult personalities can be challenging and emotionally exhausting, to say the least.

Are you resilient enough? Take our quiz!

Do you have enough resilience to face the world out there? Take our quiz to find out how resilient you are and find tips on how to build your mental resilience.

Letting go of the past: 5 tips

Lynn Anderson told it very nicely in her song “I beg your pardon; I never promised you a rose garden”. Life isn’t all roses and everybody experiences something they would rather not once in their life.

Why you're not the best

What are your aims in life? Do you plan to be rich, to be a top footballer, to be a good parent, or to become Prime Minister? However efficiently you plan your life, sooner or later you are going to come up against obstacles to achieving your goals.

Choose for your happiness!

Being happy is something everybody strives for, but unfortunately there are a lot of people who go through life unhappily. A lot of people take life how it is.

Standing Up To A Narcissistic Pervert

Whether it's with a romantic partner or a housemate, there's no doubt that a relationship with a narcissist can be very challenging. But are there ways to cope better? Or is it better to leave the relationship? 

20 natural ways to prevent and relieve headaches

Headaches can be a real nuisance, especially if you get them frequently. Luckily, there are many natural ways to prevent and relieve headaches without needing to reach for over the counter medication.

How to stop everything going wrong

Do you always feel that everything’s always going wrong? Find out how to stop this cycle of bad thoughts in its tracks. When you think positively, things will start to appear positive and you will eventually feel more positive and optimistic.

Mistakes as a Parent

Can we learn from our mistakes and develop a stronger, healthier emotional bondwith our kids? To help you identify your weak spots, we’ve rounded up some of the most common mistakes parents make.