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Many people focus on finding happiness. But just as those who try too hard to be cool are never cool, if you're always striving to be happy, you will never achieve happiness. What's the problem? Perhaps you're just trying too hard!
Happiness is just one of the range of human emotions, and as with feelings of anger, envy and fear, we only experience it fleetingly before it disappears again. Happiness is not something you can achieve; it's something you experience within yourself.
These days, people tend to confuse happiness with pleasure. So much marketing is aimed at achieving satisfaction - buy a new car and be happy, lose five kilos and be happy - but you can neither buy nor achieve happiness. It's something that exists (temporarily) almost as a side effect of other things going on in your life.
Pleasure can be wonderful, but it doesn't necessarily make you happy. It brings short term satisfaction and distracts us from negative emotions. But those who focus only on achieving materialistic goals are more likely to suffer anxiety, depression and unhappiness. Of course, it's also possible to seek pleasure through substance or alcohol abuse or extramarital affairs. While they may temporarily numb your pain, these damaging activities certainly won't bring you long term happiness.
We're living in a stay-positive, roses and sunshine culture. When bad stuff happens, society often expects us to make the best of it. We're told to look for the bright side before we've had time to come to terms with the bad news.
Always being positive doesn't equate to happiness. You need time to process sad, upsetting events. When your grandma dies, people might tell you to be positive about it because she had a good, long life. But there's no need to paste a smile on your face. It's OK to grieve.
Self-help gurus sometimes make you feel bad because you're not happy all the time. But continually being positive is dysfunctional and means you are probably suppressing your real emotions. Being unable to express your feelings can store up health problems for the future - it's better to rage or weep for a while. It's hard, but you'll get through it. You'll know when you're ready to come out from under your cloud and move on. Bach Flower Mix 65, for dejection, supports you through challenging times, helping you to be more attentive to life and restore your self-confidence.
Explicitly pursuing happiness can actually make you less happy. Real happiness can be measured how often we feel it rather than how happy we feel at a given moment. When people have experienced intense emotions of joy, whether by winning a gold medal or a lottery prize, these extremes seem to make it harder to feel pleasure in the small things that occur every day.
Happiness is what happens when we forget about ourselves and get involved in activities that challenge us. Whether you're raising a family, setting up a new business on a shoestring budget, or training for a marathon, you're in the zone, living in the moment. What you're doing might not be pleasurable at the time, but you're so wrapped up in your activities that gloomy thoughts and worries drift away.
None of the activities described above is invariably pleasant: they all make us struggle with high demands on our commitment, time and energy. Sometimes they make us angry or even despairing. Yet we look back misty-eyed at happy memories of times when we've challenged ourselves. But it's not becoming wealthy from the business you started, or successfully raising the perfect child, that makes you happy.
It's more about setting yourself high goals and attempting to become the person you dream of being, your ideal self. It doesn't even matter whether you succeed in those challenges or not. It's not the material result of your endeavours that makes you happy: it's being satisfied that you've done your best in trying to achieve your goal.
So when your only goal in life is to find happiness, you can't achieve it. We can only find happiness as a side effect of other things that are going on in our lives. The closer our activities are aligned with the image we have of our ideal self, the happier we feel.
Happiness occurs when we're busy pursuing our dreams. It's no use to go looking for it. However many goals you achieve in your life, you will still feel happy and unhappy in the same ratio: there will always be just one more thing needed to make you super-happy.
The best advice about being happier is to know who you are and imagine who you dream of being. Then get moving and make changes towards achieving your goal. It doesn't matter if you don't succeed: it's the action that counts. Just get on with living your life the best you can and be happy.
Sources:
http://www.fulfillmentdaily.com/want-happiness-science-says-stop-looking/
https://doi.org/10/bcvq
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/cbt-and-me/201608/the-problem-positive-thinking
https://markmanson.net/stop-trying-to-be-happy
Created by Tom Vermeersch (bio)
Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.
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Many people focus on finding happiness. But just as those who try too hard to be cool are never cool, if you're always striving to be happy, you will never achieve happiness. What's the problem? Perhaps you're just trying too hard!
Happiness is just one of the range of human emotions, and as with feelings of anger, envy and fear, we only experience it fleetingly before it disappears again. Happiness is not something you can achieve; it's something you experience within yourself.
These days, people tend to confuse happiness with pleasure. So much marketing is aimed at achieving satisfaction - buy a new car and be happy, lose five kilos and be happy - but you can neither buy nor achieve happiness. It's something that exists (temporarily) almost as a side effect of other things going on in your life.
Pleasure can be wonderful, but it doesn't necessarily make you happy. It brings short term satisfaction and distracts us from negative emotions. But those who focus only on achieving materialistic goals are more likely to suffer anxiety, depression and unhappiness. Of course, it's also possible to seek pleasure through substance or alcohol abuse or extramarital affairs. While they may temporarily numb your pain, these damaging activities certainly won't bring you long term happiness.
We're living in a stay-positive, roses and sunshine culture. When bad stuff happens, society often expects us to make the best of it. We're told to look for the bright side before we've had time to come to terms with the bad news.
Always being positive doesn't equate to happiness. You need time to process sad, upsetting events. When your grandma dies, people might tell you to be positive about it because she had a good, long life. But there's no need to paste a smile on your face. It's OK to grieve.
Self-help gurus sometimes make you feel bad because you're not happy all the time. But continually being positive is dysfunctional and means you are probably suppressing your real emotions. Being unable to express your feelings can store up health problems for the future - it's better to rage or weep for a while. It's hard, but you'll get through it. You'll know when you're ready to come out from under your cloud and move on. Bach Flower Mix 65, for dejection, supports you through challenging times, helping you to be more attentive to life and restore your self-confidence.
Explicitly pursuing happiness can actually make you less happy. Real happiness can be measured how often we feel it rather than how happy we feel at a given moment. When people have experienced intense emotions of joy, whether by winning a gold medal or a lottery prize, these extremes seem to make it harder to feel pleasure in the small things that occur every day.
Happiness is what happens when we forget about ourselves and get involved in activities that challenge us. Whether you're raising a family, setting up a new business on a shoestring budget, or training for a marathon, you're in the zone, living in the moment. What you're doing might not be pleasurable at the time, but you're so wrapped up in your activities that gloomy thoughts and worries drift away.
None of the activities described above is invariably pleasant: they all make us struggle with high demands on our commitment, time and energy. Sometimes they make us angry or even despairing. Yet we look back misty-eyed at happy memories of times when we've challenged ourselves. But it's not becoming wealthy from the business you started, or successfully raising the perfect child, that makes you happy.
It's more about setting yourself high goals and attempting to become the person you dream of being, your ideal self. It doesn't even matter whether you succeed in those challenges or not. It's not the material result of your endeavours that makes you happy: it's being satisfied that you've done your best in trying to achieve your goal.
So when your only goal in life is to find happiness, you can't achieve it. We can only find happiness as a side effect of other things that are going on in our lives. The closer our activities are aligned with the image we have of our ideal self, the happier we feel.
Happiness occurs when we're busy pursuing our dreams. It's no use to go looking for it. However many goals you achieve in your life, you will still feel happy and unhappy in the same ratio: there will always be just one more thing needed to make you super-happy.
The best advice about being happier is to know who you are and imagine who you dream of being. Then get moving and make changes towards achieving your goal. It doesn't matter if you don't succeed: it's the action that counts. Just get on with living your life the best you can and be happy.
Sources:
http://www.fulfillmentdaily.com/want-happiness-science-says-stop-looking/
https://doi.org/10/bcvq
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/cbt-and-me/201608/the-problem-positive-thinking
https://markmanson.net/stop-trying-to-be-happy
It's important to find a good moment to go four your goals. Not a better moment than now, find our tips to do so here!
For many of us, the pandemic has forced us to put our dreams on hold. We've had to accept that achieving our goals may be delayed for the time being. But do you feel that you're never going to reach your goals?
All parents want the best for their children, and building a close family with bonds that will last forever is the secret to seeing them thrive. Families flourish when their bonds are strong, and everyone in the family feels happy and secure.
Facing the loss of a family member or close friend is probably one of the most difficult challenges that life throws at us. When we've lost a partner, parent, brother or sister, we're likely to experience intense grief.
Everyone feels lonely sometimes, but with the COVID-19 pandemic, it’s more difficult than usual to maintain our usual social contacts. Whether you’re confined to your home in lockdown, furloughed from your employment or working from home rather than going into the office, you may be missing the regular contact you previously enjoyed with family, friends and colleagues.
Read the complete article
It is not always obvious when someone is experiencing depression. Some people with depression mask their symptoms, hiding their feelings behind a smile to convince others they are happy.
How to do and have less but enjoy life more? Have you ever stopped to consider the ways in which you can do less with your life and still enjoy it? This articles aims to take a closer look at how you can consume less, do less and work less. Read on for more information.
Your relationship ends, or you lose your job, and you get stuck in a rut of negative thoughts and suffering. How good are you at letting go of grudges and accepting that some things are beyond your control? Take our quiz to find out!
Read the complete article
We all want to be successful but many of us find the path to achieving our dreams is blocked by our fear of failure. Whether you’re trying to lose weight, go backpacking around the world or start up a new business, you need to accept that you might fail many times over before you achieve success.
Do you care too much about what others think? Do people really think about others so often? Why? Read on here!
Bach Flowers are not medicinal but harmless plant extracts which are used to support health.
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