Is loneliness a disease?

Loneliness is a common human emotion, one that is complex and unique for every person. It can prove to be a challenge for anybody at any age. Children in the playground may struggle to make friends, new mothers may feel isolated, divorced men may lose their peer support, older people struggle at home by themselves, perhaps after bereavement, and may rarely talk to anyone else for days at a time. Loneliness has been recognised as a precursor and cause of poor physical and mental health and has even been described as a ‘hidden killer’ especially among older people.

In the UK, a 2015 report by Nesta and the Cabinet Office, concluded that loneliness was as damaging as smoking and obesity.

Loneliness is defined in two ways. There is the obvious definition that it is, ‘to be alone’, but also loneliness is as much about the perception that you are alone, and therefore you have feelings of isolation. The definition goes hand-in-hand with negative feelings, of dejection, for example, sadness, or a feeling that you have lost your way.

Research suggests that people who are lonely, are more at risk of developing biological dysfunctions, psychological distress, and behavioural problems. At its worst, loneliness can be a cause of suicidal ideation, Alzheimer’s disease and dementia. It can affect the immune and cardio-vascular system, and also generally lead to an overall decline in well-being. Loneliness can be a cause of insomnia, poor appetite, depression and addiction. Increasingly, loneliness (especially in the elderly) is seen as a disease and is being treated this way.

There are three categories of loneliness

• Situational loneliness: caused by social and economic factors such as living outside a community, or not having any money. Environmental factors can also play a part where someone has migrated away from friends and family, or cannot travel thanks to disability, a lack of transport or associated costs. There may also have been personal conflicts leading to breakdowns in relationships.
• Developmental loneliness: Every one of us needs relationships, but many of us also desire time alone. Sometimes we don’t balance our needs properly, and before we know it, we have no-one to call upon or turn to.
• Internal loneliness: Many people are solitary but never feel lonely; they utilise their time for self-growth. Others see people constantly, but they perceive themselves as lonely. They often feel separate and empty. Their desire for contact and intimacy with others, is not matched by reality. This may be particularly true among people with low self-esteem or self-worth. Loneliness erodes your confidence and yours sense of self, leading to stress and anxiety.

Life transitions as triggers

Many of life’s transitions act as the triggers for loneliness. Starting school for example, removes you from home. Having children means many women lose their self-identity. Separation, divorce, bereavement all cause loneliness. Physical ailments too – loss of hearing, sight, mobility etc. – may all lead eventually to loneliness.

The stigma of mental health

Loneliness, as a state of mind, may useful be treated as a mental health illness, but of course the stigma around mental health issues is rife. Viewing your loneliness as a weakness, something you are responsible for, can be damaging. You may feel embarrassed when you really shouldn’t. Many people live with loneliness but they have a hard time saying, “I’m lonely,” so we just don’t hear about the experience of others.

Tips for coping with your loneliness

• Consider why you feel lonely. Is it a lack of human contact? Or is it that the human contact you have is not deep enough? Are there environmental, social or economic factors at work?
• Take every opportunity to create new connections with the people you meet. Ask them about themselves. Try and get on chatting terms. Join clubs and societies, even exercise classes. Perhaps you could volunteer somewhere and meet other people who are also alone or lonely. You may find online forums useful for making connections, but guard your personal details well, and keep your expectations low and realistic.
• Open up to others. If you are open, people will be open to you. This will deepen your connection.
• Don’t rush it though. One day at a time. This is especially true if you have been lonely or alone for some time. New people can be overwhelming.
• Never compare yourself with anyone else. Everyone is different and we all have different needs. You may settle for one soulmate, someone else may like dozens of acquaintances.
• Ask for specialist support if you need it. There are community groups available in most areas, and your doctor can recommend talking therapies if that is something that might work for you.
• Get plenty of sleep. Insomnia can impact how you feel on a day-to-day basis.
• Take steps to improve your self-esteem. Feeling more confident about yourself and who you are can really boost how you feel. You may feel less lonely, or you just may find it easier to reach out to other people.

Never ignore loneliness

Remember, we all need friendship to survive. If you feel dejected and lonely, take steps to address the issue. We are better people when we feel part of a community and have others around us. Other people help us to stay motivated, and help us through life when we encounter hurdles, which we will.

Reach out today. Good luck!

Other articles

12 easy ways to get people to like you

Have you ever noticed that some people are instantly likeable? Many people believe that people will only like you because of natural traits you're born with: good looks, talent and sociability. But this is a misconception. Getting people to like you is within your control, and it's all to do with self-belief, knowing yourself and being emotionally intelligent. Here's what to do to be more likeable.

Six things we think will make us happy, but don't!

When you think about things that will make you happy, what are the images that come to mind? Wealth, beauty, a dream house, long holidays, a top of the range car? Happiness is not a constant and how happy we feel depends on the way we choose to live our lives. 

7 tips to go from loneliness to happiness

Everyone feels lonely sometimes, but with the COVID-19 pandemic, it’s more difficult than usual to maintain our usual social contacts. Whether you’re confined to your home in lockdown, furloughed from your employment or working from home rather than going into the office, you may be missing the regular contact you previously enjoyed with family, friends and colleagues.

Do you expect too much from others? Find out!

Most people are disappointed when others don't meet their expectations. But when you always expect too much, it isn't healthy, either for yourself or for others. If you often find yourself feeling let down by your loved ones or even by strangers, could it be that you have unrealistic ideas of how people should act?

Why it's never too late to change

People always think: that’s just me. I'm not good at 'X', that is just my character. Here are some reasons why it's never too late to change.

Is the world as we know it over?

Since the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic, governments around the world have taken unprecedented measures to stop the spread of coronavirus. The rapid changes we've seen have had an impact on almost every aspect of our lives.

Seven tips for finding peace in a chaotic world

The world's changed beyond recognition in the last few decades. In 1980, there were only three TV channels to choose from, and not everyone had a landline - people often wrote letters to stay in touch with one another! Computer games were in their infancy, and video recorders were still a novelty. If you wanted something, you would go shopping, or perhaps order it by post and wait a week or two for delivery.

Banning negativity from your life: Start today

Is life getting you down? Negativity can ruin your outlook and stop your productivity. What about banning negativity from your life? Start today.

7 Factors for building a close family

All parents want the best for their children, and building a close family with bonds that will last forever is the secret to seeing them thrive. Families flourish when their bonds are strong, and everyone in the family feels happy and secure.

Are you stuck in a rut?

Sometimes it’s hard to notice when we've become trapped in familiar routines. Take our quiz to find out if you’re stuck in a rut and what you can do about it.