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Find out if you’re (secretly) a perfectionist

Find out if you’re (secretly) a perfectionist

Can setting high standards for yourself ever be a problem? For most people, striving for perfection would be considered a positive thing. For example, musicians only reach concert standard after thousands of hours of practice and athletes can't reach peak performance without long hours of training.

But there's also a negative aspect of perfectionism. Perfectionists tend to set standards that are so demanding that they are impossible to meet or can only be achieved with difficulty. While most people understand that mistakes are inevitable and that everybody messes up at times, a perfectionist believes that making a mistake means they have failed catastrophically, or that they have disappointed others and are therefore a hateful person.

This pattern of thinking makes it very frightening for a perfectionist to make a mistake. They strive to be perfect all the time and are often disappointed with themselves for not achieving the standards they have set. They may gradually come to believe they are less capable than other people. Trying so hard to be perfect and meeting impossible standards causes stress, anxiety and self-doubt.


Are you perfectionist? Take our quiz!

If you're feeling overwhelmed with stress and anxiety, it might because that you're asking too much of yourself. There's nothing wrong with high standards. But if they're so high that they stop you enjoying life and get in the way of your school, work or relationships, you may have a problem with perfectionism. Find out whether you're secretly a perfectionist by taking our quiz:

Take a look at the following statements and check which response you think sounds most like you:

1. The more I succeed in life, the more pressure I put on myself to be even more successful

a) I'm just thankful for any successes that I achieve

b) That's true, and I feel that others will be expecting more from me as well

2. I compare myself to others I believe are more intelligent, more attractive or more talented than me

a) We can't all be good at everything, and I know I have qualities that they don't

b) Absolutely true - I constantly check my Insta for the latest posts and they knock my self-confidence

3. I always demand the absolute best from myself

a) Mostly disagree

b) Mostly agree

4. I'm not very ambitious

a) Sounds like me - I'm pretty content with my life the way it is

b) I've always been ambitious, and achieving the highest goals is very important to me

5. When someone seems to give up too easily, I don't often criticise them

a) Who know what else they have going on in their life? It's none of my business why they've given up.

b) I'm not too fond of dropouts

6. I always expect to succeed at school or work

a) No, I know I won't always be successful, and it's OK as long as I've done my best

b) Of course, that's the whole point!

7. It doesn't bother me if others shine

a) Their achievements are nothing to do with me

b) I feel compelled to try and keep up with them

8. I strive to be as perfect as I can be.

a) Not really, I get by OK

b) Nearly always

9. I should be good at anything I try, not just the stuff I know I can do well.

a) Mostly disagree

b) Mostly agree

10. People expect me to be perfect and never make mistakes

a) Not really, I don't feel any pressure

b) It certainly feels like it!

 

If you ticked mostly a's, you have a balanced attitude towards life. You're the sort of person who counts their blessings, allows themselves to make mistakes and is content with the way things are.

If you ticked mostly b's, you're showing many of the traits of a perfectionist. Read on to discover how you can overcome perfectionism so that it doesn't hold you back.

Overcoming perfectionism

The first step is to change the perfectionist way of thinking. Bach Flower Essence 10, Crab Apple, can help guard against perfectionism and obsessive thoughts.

Other useful techniques include:

1. Replace self-criticism with more helpful and realistic thoughts

People who are perfectionists are often too self-critical. Perfectionist thoughts make you see mistakes as catastrophic. Replace these ideas with realistic concepts such as "Nobody's perfect" and "Everybody has bad days sometimes". Repeat these thoughts often. You might not find them believable at first, but if you repeat them often enough, they will eventually crowd out negative self-criticism.

2. Take a different perspective

Many perfectionists find it challenging to see things from another point of view. They don't consider how others might see a scenario.

As an example, you might you're slacking if you only cycle for 20k at the weekend when you'd aimed to do 30k. Other people might think 20k is a very acceptable amount of exercise. It can be beneficial to learn to see situations as others may view them.

3. Changing perfectionist behaviour

When you have difficulties with perfectionism, it's as if you have a phobia of making mistakes. Try to overcome your "phobia" by facing your fear of being imperfect by deliberately making mistakes. Start with something small such as wearing odd socks! If people notice at all, it will likely be with a good-humoured comment. Next, spend 3 hours instead of six preparing your presentation. Gradually, you'll be able to cope with situations you would previously have avoided because of worries that things wouldn't be perfect.

4. Treat yourself

It's very challenging to face your anxieties and try new ways of thinking! Look after yourself and enjoy a reward for all your hard work. A treat such as a movie or nice meal, or just meeting up with friends, will help you to feel good about yourself and persevere with the changes you're making.

A final word

If you recognise that you're secretly a perfectionist, don't worry! Let go of some of your high standards. Accept that you're perfectly imperfect and your life will be much more fun!


Sources:

https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-you-may-be-a-perfectionist-3145233

https://www.anxietycanada.com/articles/how-to-overcome-perfectionism/

Created by Tom Vermeersch ()

Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.

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Find out if you’re (secretly) a perfectionist

Find out if you’re (secretly) a perfectionist
Find out if you’re (secretly) a perfectionist

Can setting high standards for yourself ever be a problem? For most people, striving for perfection would be considered a positive thing. For example, musicians only reach concert standard after thousands of hours of practice and athletes can't reach peak performance without long hours of training.

But there's also a negative aspect of perfectionism. Perfectionists tend to set standards that are so demanding that they are impossible to meet or can only be achieved with difficulty. While most people understand that mistakes are inevitable and that everybody messes up at times, a perfectionist believes that making a mistake means they have failed catastrophically, or that they have disappointed others and are therefore a hateful person.

This pattern of thinking makes it very frightening for a perfectionist to make a mistake. They strive to be perfect all the time and are often disappointed with themselves for not achieving the standards they have set. They may gradually come to believe they are less capable than other people. Trying so hard to be perfect and meeting impossible standards causes stress, anxiety and self-doubt.

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Discover how Personal Bach flowers remedy - Wizard can help you

Are you perfectionist? Take our quiz!

If you're feeling overwhelmed with stress and anxiety, it might because that you're asking too much of yourself. There's nothing wrong with high standards. But if they're so high that they stop you enjoying life and get in the way of your school, work or relationships, you may have a problem with perfectionism. Find out whether you're secretly a perfectionist by taking our quiz:

Take a look at the following statements and check which response you think sounds most like you:

1. The more I succeed in life, the more pressure I put on myself to be even more successful

a) I'm just thankful for any successes that I achieve

b) That's true, and I feel that others will be expecting more from me as well

2. I compare myself to others I believe are more intelligent, more attractive or more talented than me

a) We can't all be good at everything, and I know I have qualities that they don't

b) Absolutely true - I constantly check my Insta for the latest posts and they knock my self-confidence

3. I always demand the absolute best from myself

a) Mostly disagree

b) Mostly agree

4. I'm not very ambitious

a) Sounds like me - I'm pretty content with my life the way it is

b) I've always been ambitious, and achieving the highest goals is very important to me

5. When someone seems to give up too easily, I don't often criticise them

a) Who know what else they have going on in their life? It's none of my business why they've given up.

b) I'm not too fond of dropouts

6. I always expect to succeed at school or work

a) No, I know I won't always be successful, and it's OK as long as I've done my best

b) Of course, that's the whole point!

7. It doesn't bother me if others shine

a) Their achievements are nothing to do with me

b) I feel compelled to try and keep up with them

8. I strive to be as perfect as I can be.

a) Not really, I get by OK

b) Nearly always

9. I should be good at anything I try, not just the stuff I know I can do well.

a) Mostly disagree

b) Mostly agree

10. People expect me to be perfect and never make mistakes

a) Not really, I don't feel any pressure

b) It certainly feels like it!

 

If you ticked mostly a's, you have a balanced attitude towards life. You're the sort of person who counts their blessings, allows themselves to make mistakes and is content with the way things are.

If you ticked mostly b's, you're showing many of the traits of a perfectionist. Read on to discover how you can overcome perfectionism so that it doesn't hold you back.

Overcoming perfectionism

The first step is to change the perfectionist way of thinking. Bach Flower Essence 10, Crab Apple, can help guard against perfectionism and obsessive thoughts.

Other useful techniques include:

1. Replace self-criticism with more helpful and realistic thoughts

People who are perfectionists are often too self-critical. Perfectionist thoughts make you see mistakes as catastrophic. Replace these ideas with realistic concepts such as "Nobody's perfect" and "Everybody has bad days sometimes". Repeat these thoughts often. You might not find them believable at first, but if you repeat them often enough, they will eventually crowd out negative self-criticism.

2. Take a different perspective

Many perfectionists find it challenging to see things from another point of view. They don't consider how others might see a scenario.

As an example, you might you're slacking if you only cycle for 20k at the weekend when you'd aimed to do 30k. Other people might think 20k is a very acceptable amount of exercise. It can be beneficial to learn to see situations as others may view them.

3. Changing perfectionist behaviour

When you have difficulties with perfectionism, it's as if you have a phobia of making mistakes. Try to overcome your "phobia" by facing your fear of being imperfect by deliberately making mistakes. Start with something small such as wearing odd socks! If people notice at all, it will likely be with a good-humoured comment. Next, spend 3 hours instead of six preparing your presentation. Gradually, you'll be able to cope with situations you would previously have avoided because of worries that things wouldn't be perfect.

4. Treat yourself

It's very challenging to face your anxieties and try new ways of thinking! Look after yourself and enjoy a reward for all your hard work. A treat such as a movie or nice meal, or just meeting up with friends, will help you to feel good about yourself and persevere with the changes you're making.

A final word

If you recognise that you're secretly a perfectionist, don't worry! Let go of some of your high standards. Accept that you're perfectly imperfect and your life will be much more fun!


Sources:

https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-you-may-be-a-perfectionist-3145233

https://www.anxietycanada.com/articles/how-to-overcome-perfectionism/


Marie Pure

Other articles


Do you think too much Or too little

Do you think too much? Or too little?

Feel like you overthink too much? Having a hard time making decisions? Or feel like you don’t consider your options enough? Find out how to strike a balance.

Read the complete article

Hiding a depression find out if someone you know - or you yourself! - is doing this

Hiding a depression: find out if someone you know - or you yourself! - is doing this

It's not always easy to tell if someone has depression. While some signs such as sadness, pessimism and withdrawal from social interaction are easy to recognise, other symptoms may be less obvious. And some people are very good at hiding their depression - even from themselves!

Read the complete article

verleden-loslaten

Letting go of the past: 5 tips

Lynn Anderson told it very nicely in her song “I beg your pardon; I never promised you a rose garden”. Life isn’t all roses and everybody experiences something they would rather not once in their life.

Read the complete article

is it wrong to feel happy

Is it wrong to feel unhappy?

Is it a serious problem if you feel unhappy? In order to have light, there should be darkness. Read this article to know more about feeling unhappy!

Read the complete article

What to eliminate from your life to  be happier

What to eliminate from your life to be happier

Do you have a nagging suspicion that you could only be happier if X was true, or you could do Y? What should you change about your life in order to be happier?

Read the complete article

Are you resilient enough Take our quiz!

Are you resilient enough? Take our quiz!

Do you have enough resilience to face the world out there? Take our quiz to find out how resilient you are and find tips on how to build your mental resilience.

Read the complete article

Quarter-life or midlife crisis everything you need to know

Quarter-life or midlife crisis: everything you need to know

A midlife crisis is the basis of stereotypes and jokes: the life stage when you suddenly feel tempted to do impulsive, outrageous things such as leave your spouse, buy a flashy motorbike and walk away from your job.

Read the complete article

"Bach Flower Advice" becomes "Mariepure"

"Bach Flower Advice" becomes "Mariepure"

After 25 years in the Bach flower world, we asked ourselves, is now the right time for our own new name? Not only have we grown, but so have you, along with the confidence you have in us. That's why we want to connect ourselves to our own name. That name is Mariepure.

Read the complete article

I lost it all. What now

I lost it all. What now?

Life gives but also takes away. And when what we've lost is a relationship or a loved one, we all know that the loss can lead to emotions such as anger and grief. But what if what you've lost is your health, your job, or a precious object?

Read the complete article

Start of spring, a new start, a fresh start

Start of spring, a new start, a fresh start

Do you find that every Spring you feel that it is time to make a new start, to make a new you? This ‘spring-cleaning’ we all yearn for is deeply ingrained within all of us.

Read the complete article

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